Whole guild · Meet the team

Six tiers ago Katukas pulled a boss early by accident and the raid killed it. She has been chasing that moment ever since across a hundred and thirty-eight nights, from a range of roughly two yards, because that is where she prefers to stand. The pet waits out in front, where the hunter should be. The hunter is in the melee, where the pet should be. Nobody has raised it in some time.

It is with regret that we mark the passing of Weeklynoleav, taken from us on Nek'zali while standing exactly where he had been told not to. He leaves behind an imp, a summoning stone he put up before anyone asked, and a plate of cookies laid out for the fifth time tonight, which is the fifth time nobody has taken one. He was, at the time of death, on full attendance. He got back up eleven seconds later and did it again.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Shows up to 81% of raids, which is more reliable than most raid timers.

151 parses deep on 18 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Has an ongoing disagreement with Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, who is winning.

Has, on record, a 100 parse on Vaelgor & Ezzorak (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Owns exactly one 89 parse, on Crown of the Cosmos, and has built a personality around it.

Has been turning up since Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible: 7 tiers and 116 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

2021 to present — Restoration Shaman, Killing Time. Kept a raid alive across five tiers and a hundred and forty-five nights, chiefly by placing a totem somewhere nobody was standing and then moving it. This season — three thousand two hundred and fifty-five Mythic+ rating, a figure he would like formally entered into the record following certain remarks. Skills: sarcasm, load-bearing. Motivation: spite, renewable. References: reads the log before the wipe explanation, which management finds unnerving.

They tell of a night at four percent, every healer's mana the colour of a bad idea, when the dracthyr spread his wings and eight people who should have died did not. They tell of other nights. Of a balance druid standing quite safely on a platform, gently lifted, and set down somewhere with no platform under it whatsoever. Both legends are true. The guild has agreed to stop asking which of them was on purpose.

Taken from us mid-fight, the dwarf leaves behind eight tiers, a hundred and sixty-seven nights and a pet who has still not been told. Colleagues recall a man who never missed an invite, never once fed the beast, and never let an England result pass without a full and considered response in the channel. A committed baiter, dedicated to the craft, and by common consent the master of it. He was found later at the repair vendor, alive, still going.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Owns exactly one 54 parse, on Lightblinded Vanguard, and has built a personality around it.

Shows up to 81% of raids, which is more reliable than most raid timers.

Averages 42, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

51 parses deep on 12 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Their high-water mark is a 96 on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 47 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Here, in the half-light of the crypt, the night elf works alone. Watch her now. She has spotted the warrior standing in the acid again — she does not rebuke him, she simply extends a slow green hand and undoes it, as she has for fifty-four nights. Note the call, the only one she makes all evening, going out into a completely silent channel: innervate. Nobody has answered it in four tiers. She has been seen in balance form, where she is roughly as durable as a candle.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Has been turning up since Liberation of Undermine: 5 tiers and 66 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Has, on record, a 91 parse on Imperator Averzian (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Attends 79% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

51 logged kills across 10 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Politely requests we skip Vaelgor & Ezzorak, where the logs read 34 and the memories read worse.

Imperator Averzian is where it clicks: 67 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Keeps 4 alts on standby (Canofclaws, Canofholes, Canofkimchi, Canofundeath), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

54 raid nights across 6 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Present for 42 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

Averages 40, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Their high-water mark is a 96 on Vaelgor & Ezzorak (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Career highlight: 86 percentile on Vaelgor & Ezzorak, brought up at every opportunity.

Midnight Falls remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

Keeps 3 alts on standby (Frostonks, Frostybeach, Frostydog), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

The mage is dead. The mage was dead earlier as well. Seventy-four nights, four tiers, not one missed invite this expansion, and still logged every week as the guild's idea of a new mage, which he has stopped correcting. He is, by common agreement, an outstanding frost mage. He is currently arcane, because arcane is the meta and somebody has to be. He will be remembered briefly, before the next pull.

There was a pull where the healers went down one by one and Ázteco carried it alone for ninety seconds, shields going out faster than anyone could break them, and the whole raid was shouting her name in Discord. She said nothing at all. Then she typed 'was that ok' and logged onto the alt. The officers keep one word in the notes beside her name, and have never needed a second one. It is 'solid'.

FOR HIRE: one troll druid. Will provide moonfire, cooldowns used correctly the first time, and the soak nobody else remembered. Fifty-two nights of references across four tiers. Highest recorded parse in the guild by some distance, though she will not tell you that and will change the subject if you do. Rates negotiable. Availability: whenever you have wiped enough to ask.

Observe the raid leader in his natural habitat: the middle of a marked circle he drew himself. Eight tiers, a hundred and sixty-four nights. Note the pause mid-sentence — a child has appeared somewhere off-camera and must be walked back to bed. Note also the connection, the worst in Europe, dropping a word in three. When the herd talks over him he says 'right, that's it, you're muted', and the crypt goes quiet. Then he dies to the mechanic he was explaining.

The story goes that they wandered in five tiers ago with a bow and nobody has formally invited them since; they simply appear, at range, on time, marksmanship. Officers long ago stopped asking which team they are on. What the guild has noticed is the channel: five tiers, not one unkind word about anybody, and an unbroken record of telling Phonchick she is doing a lovely job, whether or not anyone asked.

Here lies the blood death knight, main tank of last season, who vanished into a game with worse graphics and better fishing and was presumed gone for good. He is survived by Popmama, Popka and Poppka, who are all also him, and who have been holding his spot. Reports now place him back at the front of the raid, tanking entirely on instinct, having never in his life watched a recording of anything he has done.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Has, on record, a 97 parse on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

60 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

The logs hold 60 of their kills on 12 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Attends 72% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

Owns exactly one 79 parse, on Imperator Averzian, and has built a personality around it.

Also answers to Cruzixl, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

Job description: be hit by the largest thing in the room, on purpose, repeatedly, without comment.

Has, on record, a 43 parse on Vorasius (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

A 25 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Whatever Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar does, it does it to them first: 7 percentile and a lot of excuses.

The logs hold 48 of their kills on 10 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Owns exactly one 32 parse, on Fallen-King Salhadaar, and has built a personality around it.

Present for 38 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

There is a pull on Nek'zali the guild has not stopped bringing up since, and it belongs to this monk. Put him on the windwalker and he is exactly what you want: a reliable man in a green spinning circle, fists genuinely furious, doing the assignment while doing the damage. Put him on the demon hunter and everyone is reminded, at length, why he is a monk. He has tried it twice. Nobody wants a third.

Alysaar of Killing Time, eighty-eight nights, five tiers, top of the meter more or less permanently, dead again — this time to something she has personally explained to other people twice. The funeral was brief, as she was needed for the next pull and the damage does not do itself. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you stop standing in her poison, and that you stop asking her how she does it.

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

A 33 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Has, on record, a 58 parse on Vorasius (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Politely requests we skip Crown of the Cosmos, where the logs read 22 and the memories read worse.

Present for 35 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

Career highlight: 42 percentile on Fallen-King Salhadaar, brought up at every opportunity.

41 raid nights across 3 tiers, dating back to VS / DR / MQD. Nobody has told them they can leave.

They still tell the one about the demon hunter who leapt blindfolded into a pack without checking what was in it, cleared the lot, and landed facing entirely the wrong way. They tell it because he did it again the following week, and the week after that, and is fully expected to do it again this Sunday. The healers no longer flinch. They have simply built the evening around him. He has never seen it coming, and has never yet been wrong.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Present for 34 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

54 parses deep on 16 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Whatever Lightblinded Vanguard does, it does it to them first: 54 percentile and a lot of excuses.

40 raid nights across 4 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Fallen-King Salhadaar is where it clicks: 96 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Has, on record, a 97 parse on Fallen-King Salhadaar (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

BEAST MASTERY HUNTER (Orc). Range: everywhere, for years, without interruption. Habitat: the same spot on every fight, very slightly to the left. Diet: whatever the pet does not want. Distinguishing feature: quietly outranks most of the people who assume he is just some bloke with a bow. Behaviour when threatened: sends the pet. Behaviour when the guild is threatened: also sends the pet, then fixes whatever went wrong without mentioning it. Migration: none recorded, and none expected.

Professional wall. Takes the enormous hits so a mage can stand still and criticise the positioning.

Averages 21 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 42 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Whatever Lightblinded Vanguard does, it does it to them first: 4 percentile and a lot of excuses.

Present for 34 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

Their best night is Chimaerus, the Undreamt God at 31, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

Has, on record, a 67 parse on Forgeweaver Araz (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Mousaios once held the raid together through an entire phase with a mace, a lantern and what he later described as 'a strong feeling'. Four tiers on, the troll still opens every night the same way: he checks everyone's health, decides it is fine, and then quietly moves three feet to the left where he can see them all.

AVAILABLE: one haranir druid. Will bring starlight to your raid and a lantern to your problem, whatever the problem is, without being asked twice. Happy on either team, happy on any boss, visibly happier when somebody else gets the loot. Does not roll on things, which the loot has noticed and taken personally. Enquiries after nine in the evening server time; before that she is asleep and will not be moved.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

All-time peak: 74 on Forgeweaver Araz back in Manaforge Omega, Mythic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 92 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

A steady 39 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Career highlight: 59 percentile on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, brought up at every opportunity.

Attends 57% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

50 logged kills across 15 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Keeps 2 alts on standby (Renstormmagi, Rénstorm), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Reports of the frost mage's death were filed early again. He stands further back than anybody has ever thought necessary, on the entirely reasonable grounds that nothing can reach him there, and is therefore killed roughly once a tier by the one thing that can. He is survived by an ice block he did not press in time, by several people who told him so at some length, and by himself, on the very next pull, standing further back.

Interviewer: There is a paladin on the roster with your name on it. — Pawnstaar: There is. — Interviewer: People say that is where all your good gear went. — Pawnstaar: People are being generous. He is wearing what I found in a bin two expansions ago and he has never been invited to anything. — Interviewer: So the mage is the main. — Pawnstaar: The mage is the one who owns trousers.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

The logs hold 44 of their kills on 17 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

A 22 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Chimaerus, the Undreamt God is where it clicks: 38 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Every guild has one boss they cannot parse on. Theirs is Vorasius, at a stately 12.

Attends 55% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 5 tiers and 61 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Spends the fight watching twenty health bars and one very specific person who stands in things.

Attends 51% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

Every guild has one boss they cannot parse on. Theirs is Vorasius, at a stately 23.

Career best is still Soulbinder Naazindhri at 81 percentile (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 64 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

126 logged kills across 17 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

A steady 37 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Spends the fight watching twenty health bars and one very specific person who stands in things.

A 18 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Career best is still Loom'ithar at 81 percentile (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 5 tiers and 105 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Peaked at 21 on Vorasius, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

142 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A 49% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

HOLY PALADIN SEEKS PLACEMENT. Eight tiers, eighty-nine nights, one beacon, permanently on the wrong person for the first four seconds and the right one thereafter. Comes with a second character called Mickevoker, sold as seen. Will heal your raid. Will not heal the warrior who keeps doing that.

INCIDENT: Sunday, pull six. 1. Subject arrived four minutes after the invite went out. 2. Subject apologised, at length, unprompted, twice. 3. Subject was then the last one standing for eleven seconds of a fight nobody had expected to survive at all, surrounded by his own ghouls, doing his level best. FINDING: the lateness and the eleven seconds appear to be unrelated. RECOMMENDATION: keep inviting him. Send the invite earlier.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Career highlight: 21 percentile on Fallen-King Salhadaar, brought up at every opportunity.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 25 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

A 13 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

51 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

All-time peak: 95 on Dimensius, the All-Devouring back in Manaforge Omega, Mythic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

Turns up for 22 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

WANTED, A BOSS: large, ideally stationary. Highmountain warrior, thirty-one nights, one axe, no questions. Will hit it until the situation resolves. Does not require the fight explained, though he will sit through the explanation out of politeness. Antlers included at no extra cost. Cannot be reasoned with once committed.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

81 raid nights across 6 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Their high-water mark is a 67 on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

36 logged kills across 8 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Whatever Fallen-King Salhadaar does, it does it to them first: 24 percentile and a lot of excuses.

Averages 36, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Turns up for 20 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Keeps 3 alts on standby (Atrexy, Atrexyen, Atrexyie), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

ELEMENTAL SHAMAN (Orc). Range: six tiers, a hundred and thirty-six nights, always the same three feet of floor. Feeding: lightning, mostly. Notable behaviour: does not chase keys, does not chase parses, does not chase anything — the boss comes to him, or it does not, and either way he is signed up for Wednesday.

Take one dark iron monk, aged eight tiers. Add mist, generously and continuously. Do not stir; he will circulate on his own. Season with a hundred and sixty-one nights of knowing exactly when the damage lands. Rest briefly between pulls. The dish improves the longer it has been in the guild, which is the whole trick of it.

The dwarf has fallen, shield first, exactly as he would have wanted. Twenty-eight nights across three tiers, every one of them spent between the raid and something considerably larger. Mourners are asked not to loot him, as he is only briefly dead and will want his hammer back.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

Has, on record, a 73 parse on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 18 raid nights in.

Averages 35 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

A 34% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

36 logged kills across 9 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Once put up a 65 on Vorasius. The guild has heard about it. Twice.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Every guild has one boss they cannot parse on. Theirs is Lightblinded Vanguard, at a stately 41.

Has, on record, a 96 parse on Imperator Averzian (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

34 nights over two tiers since Nerub-ar Palace: officially past the trial and into the resentment.

A 32% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Their best night is Vaelgor & Ezzorak at 84, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

Sits at a 62 average parse: quietly good, which is somehow more irritating than loud and good.

Keeps 2 alts on standby (Snowsx, Snowsxd), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 5 tiers and 83 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Averages 40, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Career highlight: 82 percentile on Vorasius, brought up at every opportunity.

19 parses deep on 10 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Turns up for 17 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Keeps 4 alts on standby (Gingerclaw, Gingerdemon, Gingertyrant, Gingér), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Professional wall. Takes the enormous hits so a mage can stand still and criticise the positioning.

Has been turning up since Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible: 6 tiers and 110 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Turns up for 17 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Peaked at 30 on Fallen-King Salhadaar, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

Averages 16 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Has an ongoing disagreement with Vorasius, who is winning.

The logs hold 61 of their kills on 16 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

They say nobody actually recruited her. They say the trial invite went out and she was somehow already inside, imp out, standing on the mark, waiting. Two weeks in and nobody can find a record of her signing up late, or early, or at all. The officers have her down as new. Nobody has the heart to tell her, and nobody is entirely certain she does not already know.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Their high-water mark is a 19 on Rotmire (Sporefall, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Turns up for 15 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

A 11 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

35 raid nights across 7 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

19 logged kills across 12 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Lightblinded Vanguard is where it clicks: 16 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Career highlight: 40 percentile on Lightblinded Vanguard, brought up at every opportunity.

Second tier with us, 17 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

The logs hold 6 of their kills on 6 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

A 26% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

A 33 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

26 logged kills across 10 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

A 26% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Owns exactly one 14 parse, on Vorasius, and has built a personality around it.

15 nights over two tiers since VS / DR / MQD: officially past the trial and into the resentment.

Career best is still Rotmire at 28 percentile (Sporefall, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Averages 12 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Quietly undoes everyone else's mistakes and has never once been thanked in a timely fashion.

Career highlight: 65 percentile on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, brought up at every opportunity.

A 24% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

105 raid nights across 5 tiers, dating back to Nerub-ar Palace. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Whatever Fallen-King Salhadaar does, it does it to them first: 11 percentile and a lot of excuses.

41 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A steady 38 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Scattered appearances across seven tiers, tending towards brief but heavy. Twenty-eight nights recorded. When present, expect sustained storm activity and a shield in the wrong hand. Absence should not be read as a front moving out; she has a habit of arriving precisely when the forecast is worst.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Lightblinded Vanguard remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

Averages 29 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Turns up for 11 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Second tier with us, 14 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Career highlight: 31 percentile on Crown of the Cosmos, brought up at every opportunity.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

78 raid nights across 3 tiers, dating back to Liberation of Undermine. Nobody has told them they can leave.

A 16 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Their best night is Imperator Averzian at 20, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

111 parses deep on 16 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Turns up for 11 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Career best is still Plexus Sentinel at 86 percentile (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

Averages 53, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

A 19% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Their best night is Fallen-King Salhadaar at 83, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 10 raid nights in.

29 logged kills across 8 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Averages 8 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Their best night is Vorasius at 11, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

Second tier with us, 11 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Turns up for 10 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

The logs hold 26 of their kills on 15 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

The logs hold 68 of their kills on 16 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Has, on record, a 95 parse on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Imperator Averzian is where it clicks: 5 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Second tier with us, 27 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

A 19% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Averages 5 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

The logs hold 41 of their kills on 13 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Career highlight: 66 percentile on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, brought up at every opportunity.

Second tier with us, 12 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Turns up for 9 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Politely requests we skip Vorasius, where the logs read 25 and the memories read worse.

Averages 35, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

Second tier with us, 9 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Turns up for 8 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Career highlight: 22 percentile on Imperator Averzian, brought up at every opportunity.

A 14 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

21 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Every guild has one boss they cannot parse on. Theirs is Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, at a stately 5.

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

26 parses deep on 8 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 8 raid nights in.

Politely requests we skip Imperator Averzian, where the logs read 14 and the memories read worse.

A 14 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Vorasius is where it clicks: 14 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

A 15% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Has, on record, a 48 parse on Rotmire (Sporefall, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Averages 36, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

The logs hold 14 of their kills on 7 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

A 13% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Every guild has one boss they cannot parse on. Theirs is Fallen-King Salhadaar, at a stately 35.

12 raid nights across 3 tiers, dating back to Liberation of Undermine. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Spends the fight watching twenty health bars and one very specific person who stands in things.

Has an ongoing disagreement with Crown of the Cosmos, who is winning.

Their high-water mark is a 56 on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Second tier with us, 8 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

18 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A 23 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Career highlight: 53 percentile on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, brought up at every opportunity.

Professional wall. Takes the enormous hits so a mage can stand still and criticise the positioning.

Career best is still Fractillus at 70 percentile (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

The logs hold 87 of their kills on 15 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Their best night is Vorasius at 15, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

A 15 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

29 nights over two tiers since Manaforge Omega: officially past the trial and into the resentment.

A 13% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

A 11% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

24 logged kills across 15 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

All-time peak: 96 on Fallen-King Salhadaar back in VS / DR / MQD, Heroic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

Second tier with us, 7 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

All-time peak: 76 on Imperator Averzian back in VS / DR / MQD, Heroic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

The logs hold 19 of their kills on 7 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 6 raid nights in.

Turns up for 6 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 5 raid nights in.

Peaked at 35 on Imperator Averzian, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

12 parses deep on 7 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A steady 35 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Turns up for 5 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Blood pressure high, visibility poor, everything within ten yards being dragged towards a single point. Signal arriving from the far end of the planet roughly half a second after it left, which means he is tanking a fight the rest of us have already finished watching. Conditions expected to remain hostile for the duration. The orc reports that he is 'fine' and 'has it', which historically has been true, and which nobody has ever managed to verify in time.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

A 9 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

12 parses deep on 8 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 5 raid nights in.

Imperator Averzian remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

Their best night is Vorasius at 15, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

Turns up for 5 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Subtlety Rogue. Duties: appearing behind the boss. Appearing behind the raid leader. Appearing in Discord ten seconds after the pull has already gone out to ask whether there is an invite going. Notable achievement: nobody in this guild has ever seen him walk anywhere, arrive at anything on foot, or still be standing where he was a moment ago. References available, though none of them are entirely sure where he went.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

9 raid nights across 3 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Turns up for 4 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

The logs hold 8 of their kills on 7 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Career best is still Rotmire at 28 percentile (Sporefall, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

Has been turning up since Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible: 4 tiers and 7 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

A 6% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

60 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

8 parses deep on 6 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Fallen-King Salhadaar is where it clicks: 80 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Politely requests we skip Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, where the logs read 40 and the memories read worse.

INCIDENT: Wednesday, second pull, subject's first month with us. 1. Subject was assigned to the left side. 2. Subject went right. 3. Boss died anyway. 4. Subject offered no explanation and has not been asked for one. FINDING: no action required. RECOMMENDATION: continue assigning him to the left side, as it appears to work. Note for the file: nobody can say who invited him.

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

6 parses deep on 4 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A 6% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Peaked at 24 on Imperator Averzian, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

Averages 14 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Whatever Vorasius does, it does it to them first: 4 percentile and a lot of excuses.

The reason the pull lasted long enough for anyone to complain about their damage.

8 parses deep on 6 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Averages 14 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

8 nights over two tiers since Liberation of Undermine: officially past the trial and into the resentment.

Owns exactly one 14 parse, on Fallen-King Salhadaar, and has built a personality around it.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

A 7 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Has an ongoing disagreement with Imperator Averzian, who is winning.

Their best night is Chimaerus, the Undreamt God at 8, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

5 logged kills across 3 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Averages 6 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Once put up a 6 on Vorasius. The guild has heard about it. Twice.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

The logs hold 21 of their kills on 10 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

189 raid nights across 6 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Has, on record, a 18 parse on Soulbinder Naazindhri (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

A 6% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Keeps 5 alts on standby (Abbed, Abedassa, Abedd, Abedsvision, Abeed), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

Has, on record, a 49 parse on Soulbinder Naazindhri (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

9 logged kills across 8 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

8 raid nights across 4 tiers, dating back to Nerub-ar Palace. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

All-time peak: 50 on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God back in VS / DR / MQD, Heroic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

The logs hold 11 of their kills on 6 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

A 6% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

17 parses deep on 13 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Their high-water mark is a 31 on Rotmire (Sporefall, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

A 6% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

24 raid nights across 5 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

The logs hold 6 of their kills on 6 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Career best is still Imperator Averzian at 88 percentile (VS / DR / MQD, Heroic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

A 6% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

6 logged kills across 6 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

A 4% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

A steady 55 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Owns exactly one 87 parse, on Vorasius, and has built a personality around it.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Turns up for 2 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

10 parses deep on 6 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Has, on record, a 54 parse on Imperator Averzian (VS / DR / MQD, Heroic). The rest is just consistency.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Has been turning up since Amirdrassil, the Dream's Hope: 4 tiers and 50 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Turns up for 2 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.