Whole guild · Meet the team

Beast mastery hunter who stands in melee. The pet waits at range where the hunter should be, the hunter is in the middle of the pack where the pet should be, and after six tiers this is simply how it is done here. Six tiers ago she pulled a boss early by accident and the raid killed it anyway. She has been chasing that feeling from two yards ever since and she is not stopping.

The stone is up before anybody asks, every single week, and he calls it putting the wardrobe up. Then the cookies come out. This is the fifth time tonight the cookies have come out and the fifth time nobody has touched one, and he has told the channel so, and he will do it all again on Sunday. Nobody in this guild has walked to a raid in four tiers because of him.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Shows up to 81% of raids, which is more reliable than most raid timers.

Owns exactly one 100 parse, on Vaelgor & Ezzorak, and has built a personality around it.

151 parses deep on 18 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Averages a 93 percentile across 16 kills and would like everyone to know that.

Has an ongoing disagreement with Imperator Averzian, who is winning.

Has been turning up since Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible: 7 tiers and 116 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Twice a night he picks up a balance druid who is standing somewhere completely safe and sets them down somewhere with no floor, and it is funny every time, including to the druid, eventually. Then about once a tier he catches somebody already off the edge who had no business surviving, and says nothing about it afterwards. Same button, same face. Nobody has worked out how to get one without the other.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Owns exactly one 94 parse, on Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar, and has built a personality around it.

69 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

Shows up to 81% of raids, which is more reliable than most raid timers.

51 parses deep on 12 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Their high-water mark is a 96 on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 4 tiers and 56 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Also answers to Pippinmage, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

For the record, and he would very much like this on the record: three thousand two hundred and fifty-five Mythic+ rating this season, filed in response to certain remarks about whether he does keys at all. He has kept this raid breathing for five tiers, largely by putting a totem where nobody is standing and moving it before anyone notices. Runs on sarcasm and spite, neither of which has shown any sign of running out.

Eight tiers, never missed an invite, never once fed the pet, and there is no version of this raid that works without him in it. Welsh, and treats every England result as a personal event, in the channel, at length, with receipts. Throws a punch the moment you leave one open and does not hold back on the follow-through. A committed baiter and, by unanimous agreement of everyone here, the master of it.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

A 86 average parse. Mentions it roughly once per pull, entirely unprompted.

54 raid nights across 6 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Present for 42 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

Chimaerus, the Undreamt God remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

The logs hold 53 of their kills on 11 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Career highlight: 100 percentile on Midnight Falls, brought up at every opportunity.

Keeps 3 alts on standby (Frostonks, Frostybeach, Frostydog), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Four tiers in and this guild still calls him the new mage, which he stopped correcting years ago, which is the funniest part of the whole thing. He is an S tier frost mage. He is a D tier arcane one. He has played arcane all season without one complaint, because arcane is the meta and somebody had to fall on it. Say the word frost to him and watch a man remember who he used to be.

She has watched the same warrior stand in the same acid for four tiers, said nothing about it, and quietly undone it every single time. That is the entire job and she is superb at it. The one thing she ever asks for is an innervate, and Findruid has it on her before she has finished typing the word. Put her in balance and she does lovely damage right up until something looks directly at her.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Has been turning up since Liberation of Undermine: 5 tiers and 85 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Attends 79% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

51 logged kills across 10 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Politely requests we skip Lightblinded Vanguard, where the logs read 23 and the memories read worse.

Midnight Falls is where it clicks: 100 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

A steady 57 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Keeps 4 alts on standby (Canofclaws, Canofholes, Canofkimchi, Canofundeath), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Twenty people, eight tiers, one voice holding the whole thing together through the worst connection in Europe. A child gets out of bed two rooms away, he walks them back, and picks the sentence up exactly where he dropped it. When the channel talks over him he says 'right, that's it, you're muted', and twenty grown adults go quiet like it's assembly. Then he dies to the mechanic he was explaining, and every one of them follows him in anyway.

The healers went down one after another and Ázteco held the entire raid up on her own for ninety seconds, shields going out faster than the boss could take them off. Then she typed 'was that ok' and logged onto the alt before anybody could answer her. There is one word beside her name in the officer notes and in four tiers nobody has needed a second one. It is 'solid'.

S tier, and the best player in this guild by a distance that is frankly rude, four tiers running. When a pull has completely fallen apart and one person is still upright with the boss at four percent, everybody knows who it is before they look. Phonchick does not get to the end of the word innervate before it lands on her. Ask Findruid about any of this and she will start talking about your cooldowns, which she has also noticed.

Marksmanship hunter, quietly excellent, and nobody can remember formally inviting them at any point in five tiers. They simply appear, at range, on time, already near the top of their bracket. Five tiers in that channel and not one unkind word about a single person. What they do instead is tell Phonchick she is doing a lovely job, roughly once a night, whether or not anybody asked.

Main tank last season, then vanished into a game with worse graphics and better fishing, and everybody quietly assumed that was the end of it. He is back at the front of the raid, tanking on pure instinct, having never in his life watched a recording of anything he has done. He is also Popmama, Popka and Poppka, all of whom kept his spot warm for him.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Owns exactly one 100 parse, on Midnight Falls, and has built a personality around it.

75 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

The logs hold 60 of their kills on 12 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Attends 72% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

64 raid nights across 4 tiers, dating back to Manaforge Omega. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Lightblinded Vanguard remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

Also answers to Cruzixl, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

Job description: be hit by the largest thing in the room, on purpose, repeatedly, without comment.

Whatever Vaelgor & Ezzorak does, it does it to them first: 18 percentile and a lot of excuses.

The logs hold 48 of their kills on 10 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Owns exactly one 74 parse, on Fallen-King Salhadaar, and has built a personality around it.

Present for 38 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

Second tier with us, 40 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Averages 48, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Put him on the monk and he is exactly what you want in a raid: inside the green spinning circle, fists genuinely furious, doing the assignment and the damage at the same time and mentioning neither. Then once a tier he brings the demon hunter out to see how it feels. It feels bad. Everybody agrees it feels bad. Somebody always walks over and quietly asks him to go and fetch the monk back.

They still tell the one about the demon hunter who leapt blindfolded into a pack without checking what was in it, cleared the lot, and landed facing entirely the wrong way. They tell it because he did it again the following week, and the week after that, and is fully expected to do it again this Sunday. The healers no longer flinch. They have simply built the evening around him. He has never seen it coming, and has never yet been wrong.

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

Personal raid record for this tier reads 7/9 M, which they will happily talk you through.

46 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

+12 Altar of Fangs and a 615 Mythic+ score, in case the raid logs were not enough.

Politely requests we skip Imperator Averzian, where the logs read 16 and the memories read worse.

Present for 35 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

Has 7 Mythic bosses in Tier Mn 1 to their name, and the receipts to prove it.

Top of the meter, five tiers, and it has never once been a conversation. She dies most weeks to something she has personally explained to two other people, which she would like recorded as unrelated. Then she is straight back up and needed for the next pull before anyone can get a joke out. In lieu of flowers the family asks that you stop standing in her poison and stop asking how she does it.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Present for 34 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

Whatever Fallen-King Salhadaar does, it does it to them first: 65 percentile and a lot of excuses.

54 parses deep on 16 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A 83 average parse. Mentions it roughly once per pull, entirely unprompted.

40 raid nights across 4 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Crown of the Cosmos is where it clicks: 100 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Professional wall. Takes the enormous hits so a mage can stand still and criticise the positioning.

Mythic+ score of 2268, topping out at a +10 Temple of Sethraliss that is still discussed.

Has 7 Mythic bosses in Tier Mn 1 to their name, and the receipts to prove it.

Sits at a 71 average parse: quietly good, which is somehow more irritating than loud and good.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 4 tiers and 43 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

67 parses deep on 22 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Present for 34 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

BEAST MASTERY HUNTER (Orc). Range: everywhere, for years, without interruption. Habitat: the same spot on every fight, very slightly to the left. Diet: whatever the pet does not want. Distinguishing feature: quietly outranks most of the people who assume he is just some bloke with a bow. Behaviour when threatened: sends the pet. Behaviour when the guild is threatened: also sends the pet, then fixes whatever went wrong without mentioning it. Migration: none recorded, and none expected.

Mousaios once held the raid together through an entire phase with a mace, a lantern and what he later described as 'a strong feeling'. Four tiers on, the troll still opens every night the same way: he checks everyone's health, decides it is fine, and then quietly moves three feet to the left where he can see them all.

AVAILABLE: one haranir druid. Will bring starlight to your raid and a lantern to your problem, whatever the problem is, without being asked twice. Happy on either team, happy on any boss, visibly happier when somebody else gets the loot. Does not roll on things, which the loot has noticed and taken personally. Enquiries after nine in the evening server time; before that she is asleep and will not be moved.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 92 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Career highlight: 84 percentile on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, brought up at every opportunity.

Attends 57% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

50 logged kills across 15 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Sits at a 72 average parse: quietly good, which is somehow more irritating than loud and good.

Keeps 2 alts on standby (Renstormmagi, Rénstorm), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Reports of the frost mage's death were filed early again. He stands further back than anybody has ever thought necessary, on the entirely reasonable grounds that nothing can reach him there, and is therefore killed roughly once a tier by the one thing that can. He is survived by an ice block he did not press in time, by several people who told him so at some length, and by himself, on the very next pull, standing further back.

Interviewer: There is a paladin on the roster with your name on it. — Pawnstaar: There is. — Interviewer: People say that is where all your good gear went. — Pawnstaar: People are being generous. He is wearing what I found in a bin two expansions ago and he has never been invited to anything. — Interviewer: So the mage is the main. — Pawnstaar: The mage is the one who owns trousers.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

The logs hold 44 of their kills on 17 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Vaelgor & Ezzorak is where it clicks: 100 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Every guild has one boss they cannot parse on. Theirs is Imperator Averzian, at a stately 33.

Attends 55% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

67 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 5 tiers and 61 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

A steady 47 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Attends 51% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

Once put up a 64 on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God. The guild has heard about it. Twice.

Every guild has one boss they cannot parse on. Theirs is Imperator Averzian, at a stately 25.

Career best is still Soulbinder Naazindhri at 81 percentile (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 64 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Spends the fight watching twenty health bars and one very specific person who stands in things.

Peaked at 100 on Lightblinded Vanguard, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 5 tiers and 105 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Averages 50, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

142 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A 49% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

INCIDENT: Sunday, pull six. 1. Subject arrived four minutes after the invite went out. 2. Subject apologised, at length, unprompted, twice. 3. Subject was then the last one standing for eleven seconds of a fight nobody had expected to survive at all, surrounded by his own ghouls, doing his level best. FINDING: the lateness and the eleven seconds appear to be unrelated. RECOMMENDATION: keep inviting him. Send the invite earlier.

HOLY PALADIN SEEKS PLACEMENT. Eight tiers, eighty-nine nights, one beacon, permanently on the wrong person for the first four seconds and the right one thereafter. Comes with a second character called Mickevoker, sold as seen. Will heal your raid. Will not heal the warrior who keeps doing that.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 25 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

A 20 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

51 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Career highlight: 76 percentile on Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar, brought up at every opportunity.

All-time peak: 95 on Dimensius, the All-Devouring back in Manaforge Omega, Mythic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

Turns up for 22 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

WANTED, A BOSS: large, ideally stationary. Highmountain warrior, thirty-one nights, one axe, no questions. Will hit it until the situation resolves. Does not require the fight explained, though he will sit through the explanation out of politeness. Antlers included at no extra cost. Cannot be reasoned with once committed.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

The armory carries 4/9 Mythic in Tier Mn 1, across 2 raids of history.

72 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

94 raid nights across 6 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

3022 Mythic+ score and a +14 Temple of Sethraliss best, achieved with only mild shouting.

Peaked at 100 on Fallen-King Salhadaar, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

Whatever Vaelgor & Ezzorak does, it does it to them first: 9 percentile and a lot of excuses.

Keeps 3 alts on standby (Atrexy, Atrexyen, Atrexyie), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

ELEMENTAL SHAMAN (Orc). Range: six tiers, a hundred and thirty-six nights, always the same three feet of floor. Feeding: lightning, mostly. Notable behaviour: does not chase keys, does not chase parses, does not chase anything — the boss comes to him, or it does not, and either way he is signed up for Wednesday.

Take one dark iron monk, aged eight tiers. Add mist, generously and continuously. Do not stir; he will circulate on his own. Season with a hundred and sixty-one nights of knowing exactly when the damage lands. Rest briefly between pulls. The dish improves the longer it has been in the guild, which is the whole trick of it.

The dwarf has fallen, shield first, exactly as he would have wanted. Twenty-eight nights across three tiers, every one of them spent between the raid and something considerably larger. Mourners are asked not to loot him, as he is only briefly dead and will want his hammer back.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

A steady 58 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

A 34% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

36 logged kills across 9 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 33 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Once put up a 100 on Midnight Falls. The guild has heard about it. Twice.

Also answers to Taugrik, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

Has been turning up since Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible: 6 tiers and 110 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Averages a 81 percentile across 8 kills and would like everyone to know that.

Turns up for 17 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Has an ongoing disagreement with Lightblinded Vanguard, who is winning.

Peaked at 100 on Crown of the Cosmos, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

The logs hold 61 of their kills on 16 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Every guild has one boss they cannot parse on. Theirs is Midnight Falls, at a stately 11.

Has, on record, a 96 parse on Imperator Averzian (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Their best night is Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar at 68, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

34 nights over two tiers since Nerub-ar Palace: officially past the trial and into the resentment.

A 32% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

A steady 40 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Keeps 2 alts on standby (Snowsx, Snowsxd), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Mythic+ score of 2734, topping out at a +12 Ruby Life Pools that is still discussed.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 6 tiers and 87 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Carries a 9/9 M on the armory, and has opinions about every one of those bosses.

The armory carries 9/9 Mythic in Tier Mn 1, across 3 raids of history.

35 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Keeps 5 alts on standby (Gingerclaw, Gingerdemon, Gingerrogue, Gingertyrant, Gingér), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Nobody can find a record of recruiting her. The trial invite went out and she was somehow already inside, imp out, standing on the mark, waiting. Two weeks in and no one has seen her sign up late, or early, or at all, and the damage has been immaculate throughout. The officers have her down as new. Not one of them looks confident saying it out loud.

Believes deeply that most deaths are preventable, and can name exactly whose fault each one was.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Has 5 Mythic bosses in Tier Mn 1 to their name, and the receipts to prove it.

Their high-water mark is a 19 on Rotmire (Sporefall, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

5/9 M on the armory, every boss of it earned on a Wednesday night.

+12 Voidscar Arena and a 1390 Mythic+ score, in case the raid logs were not enough.

Turns up for 15 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

A 26% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

28 logged kills across 12 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Owns exactly one 100 parse, on Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar, and has built a personality around it.

Sits at a 63 average parse: quietly good, which is somehow more irritating than loud and good.

16 raid nights across 3 tiers, dating back to VS / DR / MQD. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Second tier with us, 17 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

The logs hold 6 of their kills on 6 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Their high-water mark is a 40 on Lightblinded Vanguard (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

A 26% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Quietly undoes everyone else's mistakes and has never once been thanked in a timely fashion.

A 24% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Whatever Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar does, it does it to them first: 21 percentile and a lot of excuses.

105 raid nights across 5 tiers, dating back to Nerub-ar Palace. Nobody has told them they can leave.

41 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Career highlight: 70 percentile on Imperator Averzian, brought up at every opportunity.

A steady 53 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

78 raid nights across 3 tiers, dating back to Liberation of Undermine. Nobody has told them they can leave.

111 parses deep on 16 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Turns up for 11 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

75 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

Their best night is Lightblinded Vanguard at 100, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Turns up for 11 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Second tier with us, 14 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

All-time peak: 31 on Crown of the Cosmos back in VS / DR / MQD, Mythic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

Scattered appearances across seven tiers, tending towards brief but heavy. Twenty-eight nights recorded. When present, expect sustained storm activity and a shield in the wrong hand. Absence should not be read as a front moving out; she has a habit of arriving precisely when the forecast is worst.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

A 19% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Their best night is Fallen-King Salhadaar at 100, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

A 92 average parse. Mentions it roughly once per pull, entirely unprompted.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 10 raid nights in.

29 logged kills across 8 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

The logs hold 68 of their kills on 16 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Has, on record, a 95 parse on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Second tier with us, 27 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

A 19% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar is where it clicks: 82 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Sits at a 63 average parse: quietly good, which is somehow more irritating than loud and good.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

A steady 39 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Second tier with us, 11 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Turns up for 10 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Their best night is Chimaerus, the Undreamt God at 46, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

The logs hold 26 of their kills on 15 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

The logs hold 41 of their kills on 13 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

70 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

Second tier with us, 12 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Turns up for 9 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Career highlight: 70 percentile on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, brought up at every opportunity.

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

26 parses deep on 8 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 8 raid nights in.

71 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

Imperator Averzian is where it clicks: 100 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Politely requests we skip Midnight Falls, where the logs read 21 and the memories read worse.

A 15% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

Turns up for 8 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

28 parses deep on 21 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Career highlight: 52 percentile on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, brought up at every opportunity.

Averages 52, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 10 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Professional wall. Takes the enormous hits so a mage can stand still and criticise the positioning.

The logs hold 87 of their kills on 15 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

29 nights over two tiers since Manaforge Omega: officially past the trial and into the resentment.

A 13% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Their best night is Chimaerus, the Undreamt God at 100, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

Averages 54, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Has an ongoing disagreement with Imperator Averzian, who is winning.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Their high-water mark is a 56 on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Second tier with us, 8 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

18 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Turns up for 7 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Has, on record, a 48 parse on Rotmire (Sporefall, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

The logs hold 14 of their kills on 7 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

A 13% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

12 raid nights across 3 tiers, dating back to Liberation of Undermine. Nobody has told them they can leave.

The reason the pull lasted long enough for anyone to complain about their damage.

Averages a 86 percentile across 8 kills and would like everyone to know that.

Career highlight: 100 percentile on Vaelgor & Ezzorak, brought up at every opportunity.

A 11% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

24 logged kills across 15 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Second tier with us, 7 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

The logs hold 19 of their kills on 7 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 6 raid nights in.

Owns exactly one 100 parse, on Imperator Averzian, and has built a personality around it.

Turns up for 6 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Sits at a 73 average parse: quietly good, which is somehow more irritating than loud and good.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 5 raid nights in.

12 parses deep on 7 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Sits at a 68 average parse: quietly good, which is somehow more irritating than loud and good.

Peaked at 100 on Midnight Falls, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

Crown of the Cosmos remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

Turns up for 5 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

12 parses deep on 8 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 5 raid nights in.

Turns up for 5 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Career best is still Vorasius at 23 percentile (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Tanking from South Africa on five hundred milliseconds of ping, which means he is holding a boss the rest of us finished watching half a second ago, and he still has it. Drags everything within ten yards into one pile and reports that he is fine. He has been right about that every single time. Nobody has ever been able to check fast enough to disagree with him.

Subtlety Rogue. Duties: appearing behind the boss. Appearing behind the raid leader. Appearing in Discord ten seconds after the pull has already gone out to ask whether there is an invite going. Notable achievement: nobody in this guild has ever seen him walk anywhere, arrive at anything on foot, or still be standing where he was a moment ago. References available, though none of them are entirely sure where he went.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

The logs hold 13 of their kills on 12 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Mythic+ score of 1990, topping out at a +15 The Blinding Vale that is still discussed.

Turns up for 4 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

4 raids on the armory, the pick of them 1/1 Mythic in Sporefall.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Carries a 6/9 H on the armory, and has opinions about every one of those bosses.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Peaked at 100 on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

The logs hold 11 of their kills on 6 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

A 100 average parse. Mentions it roughly once per pull, entirely unprompted.

A 6% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

Once put up a 100 on Lightblinded Vanguard. The guild has heard about it. Twice.

The logs hold 21 of their kills on 10 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

189 raid nights across 6 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

A 6% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Imperator Averzian is the reason they do not link their own logs unprompted.

A 85 average parse. Mentions it roughly once per pull, entirely unprompted.

Keeps 5 alts on standby (Abbed, Abedassa, Abedd, Abedsvision, Abeed), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

21 logged kills across 15 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Has, on record, a 49 parse on Soulbinder Naazindhri (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

11 raid nights across 5 tiers, dating back to Nerub-ar Palace. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

Has been turning up since Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible: 4 tiers and 7 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

A 6% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

8 parses deep on 6 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Has, on record, a 80 parse on Fallen-King Salhadaar (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

6 parses deep on 4 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A 6% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Has, on record, a 24 parse on Imperator Averzian (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

17 parses deep on 13 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Their high-water mark is a 31 on Rotmire (Sporefall, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

A 6% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

24 raid nights across 5 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

8 parses deep on 6 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

All-time peak: 14 on Fallen-King Salhadaar back in VS / DR / MQD, Mythic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

8 nights over two tiers since Liberation of Undermine: officially past the trial and into the resentment.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Has, on record, a 8 parse on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

5 logged kills across 3 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Has, on record, a 6 parse on Vorasius (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

The logs hold 12 of their kills on 12 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

A 6% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Career best is still Nek'zali the Soulcoiler at 91 percentile (The Venomous Abyss, Heroic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Second tier with us, 4 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.