CE Team · Meet the team

They gave him the officer rank and then, with no supervision whatsoever, the loot council. Frost death knight, never misses a raid, colder than the spec. If your name is on the item you get a fair hearing and probably the item. If you are a balance druid you get a fair hearing. Somewhere in the middle of Norman's explanation he will ask Findruid, not quietly, whether someone can fucking mute him. Nobody ever has.

The stone is up before anybody asks, every single week, and he calls it putting the wardrobe up. Then the cookies come out. This is the fifth time tonight the cookies have come out and the fifth time nobody has touched one, and he has told the channel so, and he will do it all again on Sunday. Nobody in this guild has walked to a raid in four tiers because of him.

The healers went down one after another and Ázteco held the entire raid up on her own for ninety seconds, shields going out faster than the boss could take them off. Then she typed 'was that ok' and logged onto the alt before anybody could answer her. There is one word beside her name in the officer notes and in four tiers nobody has needed a second one. It is 'solid'.

Four tiers in and this guild still calls him the new mage, which he stopped correcting years ago, which is the funniest part of the whole thing. He is an S tier frost mage. He is a D tier arcane one. He has played arcane all season without one complaint, because arcane is the meta and somebody had to fall on it. Say the word frost to him and watch a man remember who he used to be.

Eight tiers, never missed an invite, never once fed the pet, and there is no version of this raid that works without him in it. Welsh, and treats every England result as a personal event, in the channel, at length, with receipts. Throws a punch the moment you leave one open and does not hold back on the follow-through. A committed baiter and, by unanimous agreement of everyone here, the master of it.

Top of the meter, five tiers, and it has never once been a conversation. She dies most weeks to something she has personally explained to two other people, which she would like recorded as unrelated. Then she is straight back up and needed for the next pull before anyone can get a joke out. In lieu of flowers the family asks that you stop standing in her poison and stop asking how she does it.

For the record, and he would very much like this on the record: three thousand two hundred and fifty-five Mythic+ rating this season, filed in response to certain remarks about whether he does keys at all. He has kept this raid breathing for five tiers, largely by putting a totem where nobody is standing and moving it before anyone notices. Runs on sarcasm and spite, neither of which has shown any sign of running out.

Whatever the class discords got excited about this fortnight, he is already playing it, already geared and already three and a half thousand rating, and he will mention all three. Arms warrior today. Was not last tier. Will not be next. The guild has stopped asking what he plays and started just checking the meter, where he is near the top of it in a spec he has owned for nine days.

She has watched the same warrior stand in the same acid for four tiers, said nothing about it, and quietly undone it every single time. That is the entire job and she is superb at it. The one thing she ever asks for is an innervate, and Findruid has it on her before she has finished typing the word. Put her in balance and she does lovely damage right up until something looks directly at her.

Stryke. Flint. Whichever one you shout, the answer is the best tank west of anywhere this guild has ever been, and every person here would put money on it. Stands between twenty people and a golem four times her height for three hours a week and has never once asked for a thank you, a mention, or any credit at all. The only way anybody knows she has had a rough night is that she says absolutely nothing about it.

Twice a night he picks up a balance druid who is standing somewhere completely safe and sets them down somewhere with no floor, and it is funny every time, including to the druid, eventually. Then about once a tier he catches somebody already off the edge who had no business surviving, and says nothing about it afterwards. Same button, same face. Nobody has worked out how to get one without the other.

Beast mastery hunter who stands in melee. The pet waits at range where the hunter should be, the hunter is in the middle of the pack where the pet should be, and after six tiers this is simply how it is done here. Six tiers ago she pulled a boss early by accident and the raid killed it anyway. She has been chasing that feeling from two yards ever since and she is not stopping.

Arrived this tier, said almost nothing, and started healing like she had been here for years. Eyes on eight health bars, does not move for four minutes at a stretch, and dies about once a night to something she never saw, because she was watching everybody else. Still on trial, technically. The write-up is going to be one line and the officers already know what it says.

Twenty people, eight tiers, one voice holding the whole thing together through the worst connection in Europe. A child gets out of bed two rooms away, he walks them back, and picks the sentence up exactly where he dropped it. When the channel talks over him he says 'right, that's it, you're muted', and twenty grown adults go quiet like it's assembly. Then he dies to the mechanic he was explaining, and every one of them follows him in anyway.

He came here to blast. They made him an officer, so now he takes the raid whenever nobody else will, and he is good at it, and he has forgiven nobody. Shadow priest. An eighty on Nek'zali one week and single figures on the Explorers the next, and four tiers later nobody can account for the gap. He also does not like the robot writing this, and has made that abundantly clear.

S tier, and the best player in this guild by a distance that is frankly rude, four tiers running. When a pull has completely fallen apart and one person is still upright with the boss at four percent, everybody knows who it is before they look. Phonchick does not get to the end of the word innervate before it lands on her. Ask Findruid about any of this and she will start talking about your cooldowns, which she has also noticed.

Alfie takes the job nobody else wants and leads the raid on the nights Norman is on bedtime duty, and he is good at it, which is the one part he will never accept. Arcane mage, nine invites out of nine. The second he stands in something orange the channel gets 'Alfie. Alfie, you' and then a word we are not printing, out loud, in the third person. He has never once aimed it at anybody else.

Marksmanship hunter, quietly excellent, and nobody can remember formally inviting them at any point in five tiers. They simply appear, at range, on time, already near the top of their bracket. Five tiers in that channel and not one unkind word about a single person. What they do instead is tell Phonchick she is doing a lovely job, roughly once a night, whether or not anybody asked.

Put him on the monk and he is exactly what you want in a raid: inside the green spinning circle, fists genuinely furious, doing the assignment and the damage at the same time and mentioning neither. Then once a tier he brings the demon hunter out to see how it feels. It feels bad. Everybody agrees it feels bad. Somebody always walks over and quietly asks him to go and fetch the monk back.

Tanking from South Africa on five hundred milliseconds of ping, which means he is holding a boss the rest of us finished watching half a second ago, and he still has it. Drags everything within ten yards into one pile and reports that he is fine. He has been right about that every single time. Nobody has ever been able to check fast enough to disagree with him.

In her second week here she held both golems for an entire pull and afterwards could not tell anybody how she had done it. 'There was a lot of green' is the complete account and she is sticking to it. She has twice asked the raid politely to stop standing behind the one that bleeds red. Still on trial, which is the only reason it was asked politely. Nobody expects that to hold.

Nobody can find a record of recruiting her. The trial invite went out and she was somehow already inside, imp out, standing on the mark, waiting. Two weeks in and no one has seen her sign up late, or early, or at all, and the damage has been immaculate throughout. The officers have her down as new. Not one of them looks confident saying it out loud.

First month with us. Assigned to the left side on his second pull, went right, and the boss died anyway. Nobody asked him to explain it and he did not volunteer. The officers have quietly decided to keep putting him on the left on the grounds that it appears to work, which is more trust than any new starter here has been handed. Nobody is certain who invited him either.

Job description: be hit by the largest thing in the room, on purpose, repeatedly, without comment.

Peaked at 60 on Nymrissa Wavecaller, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

Mythic+ score of 3868, topping out at a +20 Den of Nalorakk that is still discussed.

24 logged kills across 10 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Carries a 6/8 M on the armory, and has opinions about every one of those bosses.

Averages 22 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Has 6 Mythic bosses in The Venomous Abyss to their name, and the receipts to prove it.

Keeps 2 alts on standby (Artesta, Artresto), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Main tank last season, then vanished into a game with worse graphics and better fishing, and everybody quietly assumed that was the end of it. He is back at the front of the raid, tanking on pure instinct, having never in his life watched a recording of anything he has done. He is also Popmama, Popka and Poppka, all of whom kept his spot warm for him.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

The logs hold 37 of their kills on 18 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

15 nights over two tiers since Manaforge Omega: officially past the trial and into the resentment.

6/8 M on the armory, every boss of it earned on a Wednesday night.

5 raids on the armory, the pick of them 6/8 Mythic in The Venomous Abyss.

A 43% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

3163 Mythic+ score and a +15 Voidscar Arena best, achieved with only mild shouting.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

Armory history runs to 2 raids, topping out at 8/8 Heroic in The Venomous Abyss.

Personal raid record for this tier reads 8/8 H, which they will happily talk you through.

3138 Mythic+ score and a +16 Altar of Fangs best, achieved with only mild shouting.

Career best is still Nek'zali the Soulcoiler at 80 percentile (The Venomous Abyss, Heroic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

15 logged kills across 8 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 9 raid nights in.

Popqa's paladin, and everybody knows it. She appears for two nights at the end of a tier, when the roster is thin and the officers are working the phones, brings a sword taller than she is, puts the boss on the floor and goes again. The guild still talks about her in the past tense out of respect, while she is stood directly in front of them.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

A 11% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 6 raid nights in.

Runs keys properly: 3302 score, best a +16 in Ruby Life Pools.

16 logged kills across 8 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Armory history runs to 3 raids, topping out at 8/8 Heroic in The Venomous Abyss.

All-time peak: 80 on Vashnik the Malignant back in The Venomous Abyss, Heroic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

Job description: be hit by the largest thing in the room, on purpose, repeatedly, without comment.

Career best is still Vashnik the Malignant at 88 percentile (The Venomous Abyss, Heroic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

A 11% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 7 raid nights in.

The logs hold 42 of their kills on 10 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Keeps the raid alive in spite of its life choices, then gets told the healing was low.

121 logged kills across 18 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

All-time peak: 86 on Soulbinder Naazindhri back in Manaforge Omega, Mythic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

2655 Mythic+ score and a +11 Voidscar Arena best, achieved with only mild shouting.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 4 tiers and 81 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

A 11% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

49 logged kills across 18 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Has, on record, a 92 parse on Entombed Sentinels (The Venomous Abyss, Heroic). The rest is just consistency.

10 raid nights across 3 tiers, dating back to Nerub-ar Palace. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Spends the fight facing away from the raid, which is both a tanking requirement and a coping strategy.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 4 raid nights in.

Armory history runs to 3 raids, topping out at 8/8 Heroic in The Venomous Abyss.

3363 Mythic+ score and a +17 Ruby Life Pools best, achieved with only mild shouting.

Has, on record, a 72 parse on The Lost Explorers (The Venomous Abyss, Heroic). The rest is just consistency.

The logs hold 21 of their kills on 10 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

A 7% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Believes deeply that most deaths are preventable, and can name exactly whose fault each one was.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Has 5 Mythic bosses in Tier Mn 1 to their name, and the receipts to prove it.

Their high-water mark is a 19 on Rotmire (Sporefall, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

+12 Voidscar Arena and a 1390 Mythic+ score, in case the raid logs were not enough.

8/8 H on the armory, every boss of it earned on a Wednesday night.

Turns up for 2 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Keeps the raid alive in spite of its life choices, then gets told the healing was low.

+11 Kings' Rest and a 2291 Mythic+ score, in case the raid logs were not enough.

Has been turning up since Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible: 3 tiers and 11 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Armory history runs to 3 raids, topping out at 8/8 Heroic in The Venomous Abyss.

Personal raid record for this tier reads 8/8 H, which they will happily talk you through.

Has, on record, a 89 parse on Entombed Sentinels (The Venomous Abyss, Heroic). The rest is just consistency.

Turns up for 2 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Holds the boss still. Gets thanked for it roughly once a tier, usually by accident.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

8 logged kills across 8 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Second tier with us, 4 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Runs keys properly: 3459 score, best a +17 in Den of Nalorakk.

Carries a 8/8 H on the armory, and has opinions about every one of those bosses.

All-time peak: 86 on The Lost Explorers back in The Venomous Abyss, Heroic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Mythic+ score of 2734, topping out at a +12 Ruby Life Pools that is still discussed.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 6 tiers and 87 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Carries a 8/8 H on the armory, and has opinions about every one of those bosses.

Turns up for 2 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

The armory carries 9/9 Mythic in Tier Mn 1, across 3 raids of history.

35 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Keeps 5 alts on standby (Gingerclaw, Gingerdemon, Gingerrogue, Gingertyrant, Gingér), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Quietly undoes everyone else's mistakes and has never once been thanked in a timely fashion.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 6 tiers and 141 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

A 7% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

+14 Murder Row and a 3031 Mythic+ score, in case the raid logs were not enough.

Armory history runs to 3 raids, topping out at 8/8 Heroic in The Venomous Abyss.

All-time peak: 93 on Nek'zali the Soulcoiler back in The Venomous Abyss, Heroic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

The logs hold 13 of their kills on 10 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Keeps 5 alts on standby (Grimlocky, Grimsmage, Grimsmonk, Grimsun, Grimwars), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Holy Priest — seven tiers, one hundred and seventy-eight nights, four guild rosters, no gaps. Duties: healing; also remembering what happened in Aberrus, which nobody else can. Key achievement: outlasted every raid leader she has ever had. Reason for leaving previous tier: it ended.

ELEMENTAL SHAMAN (Orc). Range: six tiers, a hundred and thirty-six nights, always the same three feet of floor. Feeding: lightning, mostly. Notable behaviour: does not chase keys, does not chase parses, does not chase anything — the boss comes to him, or it does not, and either way he is signed up for Wednesday.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

All-time peak: 87 on The Lost Explorers back in The Venomous Abyss, Heroic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

29 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Armory history runs to 4 raids, topping out at 8/8 Heroic in The Venomous Abyss.

The armory says 8/8 H. They would like to add context to that.

A 7% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Personal raid record for this tier reads 8/8 H, which they will happily talk you through.

Runs keys properly: 2336 score, best a +15 in Den of Nalorakk.

Turns up for 2 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Armory history runs to 3 raids, topping out at 8/8 Heroic in The Venomous Abyss.

All-time peak: 17 on Sszorak back in The Venomous Abyss, Heroic. They have not stopped chasing it since.