6 Hour Team · Meet the team

Professional wall. Takes the enormous hits so a mage can stand still and criticise the positioning.

Mythic+ score of 2268, topping out at a +10 Temple of Sethraliss that is still discussed.

Has 7 Mythic bosses in Tier Mn 1 to their name, and the receipts to prove it.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 4 tiers and 43 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

67 parses deep on 22 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A steady 50 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Their best night is Rotmire at 50, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

Personal raid record for this tier reads 1/1 M, which they will happily talk you through.

5 raids out of 5. We have stopped asking whether they have other hobbies.

46 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Has, on record, a 58 parse on Vorasius (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

+12 Altar of Fangs and a 615 Mythic+ score, in case the raid logs were not enough.

Has 7 Mythic bosses in Tier Mn 1 to their name, and the receipts to prove it.

BEAST MASTERY HUNTER (Orc). Range: everywhere, for years, without interruption. Habitat: the same spot on every fight, very slightly to the left. Diet: whatever the pet does not want. Distinguishing feature: quietly outranks most of the people who assume he is just some bloke with a bow. Behaviour when threatened: sends the pet. Behaviour when the guild is threatened: also sends the pet, then fixes whatever went wrong without mentioning it. Migration: none recorded, and none expected.

WANTED, A BOSS: large, ideally stationary. Highmountain warrior, thirty-one nights, one axe, no questions. Will hit it until the situation resolves. Does not require the fight explained, though he will sit through the explanation out of politeness. Antlers included at no extra cost. Cannot be reasoned with once committed.

They say the orc monk and the vulpera priest are the same person and have simply never been seen together. They say the staff is identical, which it is. Officers have looked into it, found that both were in the raid on the same night, and quietly closed the investigation without telling anyone what they concluded.

Mousaios once held the raid together through an entire phase with a mace, a lantern and what he later described as 'a strong feeling'. Four tiers on, the troll still opens every night the same way: he checks everyone's health, decides it is fine, and then quietly moves three feet to the left where he can see them all.

They still tell the one about the demon hunter who leapt blindfolded into a pack without checking what was in it, cleared the lot, and landed facing entirely the wrong way. They tell it because he did it again the following week, and the week after that, and is fully expected to do it again this Sunday. The healers no longer flinch. They have simply built the evening around him. He has never seen it coming, and has never yet been wrong.

AVAILABLE: one haranir druid. Will bring starlight to your raid and a lantern to your problem, whatever the problem is, without being asked twice. Happy on either team, happy on any boss, visibly happier when somebody else gets the loot. Does not roll on things, which the loot has noticed and taken personally. Enquiries after nine in the evening server time; before that she is asleep and will not be moved.

INCIDENT: Sunday, pull six. 1. Subject arrived four minutes after the invite went out. 2. Subject apologised, at length, unprompted, twice. 3. Subject was then the last one standing for eleven seconds of a fight nobody had expected to survive at all, surrounded by his own ghouls, doing his level best. FINDING: the lateness and the eleven seconds appear to be unrelated. RECOMMENDATION: keep inviting him. Send the invite earlier.

Interviewer: There is a paladin on the roster with your name on it. — Pawnstaar: There is. — Interviewer: People say that is where all your good gear went. — Pawnstaar: People are being generous. He is wearing what I found in a bin two expansions ago and he has never been invited to anything. — Interviewer: So the mage is the main. — Pawnstaar: The mage is the one who owns trousers.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

The logs hold 44 of their kills on 17 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

A 20 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Rotmire is where it clicks: 20 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Shows up to 80% of raids, which is more reliable than most raid timers.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 5 tiers and 61 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Career best is still Plexus Sentinel at 70 percentile (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Believes deeply that most deaths are preventable, and can name exactly whose fault each one was.

Rotmire is where it clicks: 19 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Has 5 Mythic bosses in Tier Mn 1 to their name, and the receipts to prove it.

1/1 M on the armory, every boss of it earned on a Wednesday night.

+12 Voidscar Arena and a 1390 Mythic+ score, in case the raid logs were not enough.

40 raid nights across 7 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

4 raids in and still answering the invite before the whisper finishes sending.

Spends the fight watching twenty health bars and one very specific person who stands in things.

A 18 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Career best is still Loom'ithar at 81 percentile (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 5 tiers and 105 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Shows up to 80% of raids, which is more reliable than most raid timers.

Peaked at 18 on Rotmire, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

142 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

54 parses deep on 16 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Present for 3 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

Rotmire is where it clicks: 84 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

40 raid nights across 4 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Has, on record, a 97 parse on Fallen-King Salhadaar (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

A 84 average parse. Mentions it roughly once per pull, entirely unprompted.

The dwarf has fallen, shield first, exactly as he would have wanted. Twenty-eight nights across three tiers, every one of them spent between the raid and something considerably larger. Mourners are asked not to loot him, as he is only briefly dead and will want his hammer back.

Take one dark iron monk, aged eight tiers. Add mist, generously and continuously. Do not stir; he will circulate on his own. Season with a hundred and sixty-one nights of knowing exactly when the damage lands. Rest briefly between pulls. The dish improves the longer it has been in the guild, which is the whole trick of it.

Reports of the frost mage's death were filed early again. He stands further back than anybody has ever thought necessary, on the entirely reasonable grounds that nothing can reach him there, and is therefore killed roughly once a tier by the one thing that can. He is survived by an ice block he did not press in time, by several people who told him so at some length, and by himself, on the very next pull, standing further back.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

The logs hold 13 of their kills on 12 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Rotmire is where it clicks: 28 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Carries a 1/1 M on the armory, and has opinions about every one of those bosses.

Mythic+ score of 1990, topping out at a +15 The Blinding Vale that is still discussed.

Averages 28 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Present for 3 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Second tier with us, 14 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Career highlight: 25 percentile on Rotmire, brought up at every opportunity.

Present for 3 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

Averages 25 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

All-time peak: 31 on Crown of the Cosmos back in VS / DR / MQD, Mythic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

Nobody can find a record of recruiting her. The trial invite went out and she was somehow already inside, imp out, standing on the mark, waiting. Two weeks in and no one has seen her sign up late, or early, or at all, and the damage has been immaculate throughout. The officers have her down as new. Not one of them looks confident saying it out loud.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Second tier with us, 17 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

The logs hold 6 of their kills on 6 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Their high-water mark is a 40 on Lightblinded Vanguard (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Attends 60% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

HOLY PALADIN SEEKS PLACEMENT. Eight tiers, eighty-nine nights, one beacon, permanently on the wrong person for the first four seconds and the right one thereafter. Comes with a second character called Mickevoker, sold as seen. Will heal your raid. Will not heal the warrior who keeps doing that.

Subtlety Rogue. Duties: appearing behind the boss. Appearing behind the raid leader. Appearing in Discord ten seconds after the pull has already gone out to ask whether there is an invite going. Notable achievement: nobody in this guild has ever seen him walk anywhere, arrive at anything on foot, or still be standing where he was a moment ago. References available, though none of them are entirely sure where he went.

Scattered appearances across seven tiers, tending towards brief but heavy. Twenty-eight nights recorded. When present, expect sustained storm activity and a shield in the wrong hand. Absence should not be read as a front moving out; she has a habit of arriving precisely when the forecast is worst.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

The logs hold 14 of their kills on 7 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

A 20% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Owns exactly one 48 parse, on Rotmire, and has built a personality around it.

12 raid nights across 3 tiers, dating back to Liberation of Undermine. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Averages 48, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.