Whole guild · Meet the team

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

Personal raid record for this tier reads 1/1 M, which they will happily talk you through.

Career highlight: 72 percentile on Rotmire, brought up at every opportunity.

46 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Present for 5 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

72 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

+12 Altar of Fangs and a 615 Mythic+ score, in case the raid logs were not enough.

Professional wall. Takes the enormous hits so a mage can stand still and criticise the positioning.

Mythic+ score of 2268, topping out at a +10 Temple of Sethraliss that is still discussed.

Has 7 Mythic bosses in Tier Mn 1 to their name, and the receipts to prove it.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 4 tiers and 43 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

67 parses deep on 22 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Their best night is Rotmire at 61, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

Has, on record, a 67 parse on Forgeweaver Araz (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

BEAST MASTERY HUNTER (Orc). Range: everywhere, for years, without interruption. Habitat: the same spot on every fight, very slightly to the left. Diet: whatever the pet does not want. Distinguishing feature: quietly outranks most of the people who assume he is just some bloke with a bow. Behaviour when threatened: sends the pet. Behaviour when the guild is threatened: also sends the pet, then fixes whatever went wrong without mentioning it. Migration: none recorded, and none expected.

WANTED, A BOSS: large, ideally stationary. Highmountain warrior, thirty-one nights, one axe, no questions. Will hit it until the situation resolves. Does not require the fight explained, though he will sit through the explanation out of politeness. Antlers included at no extra cost. Cannot be reasoned with once committed.

INCIDENT: Sunday, pull six. 1. Subject arrived four minutes after the invite went out. 2. Subject apologised, at length, unprompted, twice. 3. Subject was then the last one standing for eleven seconds of a fight nobody had expected to survive at all, surrounded by his own ghouls, doing his level best. FINDING: the lateness and the eleven seconds appear to be unrelated. RECOMMENDATION: keep inviting him. Send the invite earlier.

Interviewer: There is a paladin on the roster with your name on it. — Pawnstaar: There is. — Interviewer: People say that is where all your good gear went. — Pawnstaar: People are being generous. He is wearing what I found in a bin two expansions ago and he has never been invited to anything. — Interviewer: So the mage is the main. — Pawnstaar: The mage is the one who owns trousers.

They still tell the one about the demon hunter who leapt blindfolded into a pack without checking what was in it, cleared the lot, and landed facing entirely the wrong way. They tell it because he did it again the following week, and the week after that, and is fully expected to do it again this Sunday. The healers no longer flinch. They have simply built the evening around him. He has never seen it coming, and has never yet been wrong.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

The logs hold 44 of their kills on 17 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Attends 57% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

Rotmire is where it clicks: 66 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

66 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 5 tiers and 61 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Career best is still Plexus Sentinel at 70 percentile (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Believes deeply that most deaths are preventable, and can name exactly whose fault each one was.

Rotmire is where it clicks: 64 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Has 5 Mythic bosses in Tier Mn 1 to their name, and the receipts to prove it.

1/1 M on the armory, every boss of it earned on a Wednesday night.

+12 Voidscar Arena and a 1390 Mythic+ score, in case the raid logs were not enough.

40 raid nights across 7 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

34 logged kills across 22 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

AVAILABLE: one haranir druid. Will bring starlight to your raid and a lantern to your problem, whatever the problem is, without being asked twice. Happy on either team, happy on any boss, visibly happier when somebody else gets the loot. Does not roll on things, which the loot has noticed and taken personally. Enquiries after nine in the evening server time; before that she is asleep and will not be moved.

They say the orc monk and the vulpera priest are the same person and have simply never been seen together. They say the staff is identical, which it is. Officers have looked into it, found that both were in the raid on the same night, and quietly closed the investigation without telling anyone what they concluded.

Mousaios once held the raid together through an entire phase with a mace, a lantern and what he later described as 'a strong feeling'. Four tiers on, the troll still opens every night the same way: he checks everyone's health, decides it is fine, and then quietly moves three feet to the left where he can see them all.

Spends the fight watching twenty health bars and one very specific person who stands in things.

Career best is still Loom'ithar at 81 percentile (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 5 tiers and 105 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

A 12 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Peaked at 12 on Rotmire, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

142 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Attends 57% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

54 parses deep on 16 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Rotmire is where it clicks: 93 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

40 raid nights across 4 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Has, on record, a 97 parse on Fallen-King Salhadaar (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

A 93 average parse. Mentions it roughly once per pull, entirely unprompted.

Nobody can find a record of recruiting her. The trial invite went out and she was somehow already inside, imp out, standing on the mark, waiting. Two weeks in and no one has seen her sign up late, or early, or at all, and the damage has been immaculate throughout. The officers have her down as new. Not one of them looks confident saying it out loud.

Reports of the frost mage's death were filed early again. He stands further back than anybody has ever thought necessary, on the entirely reasonable grounds that nothing can reach him there, and is therefore killed roughly once a tier by the one thing that can. He is survived by an ice block he did not press in time, by several people who told him so at some length, and by himself, on the very next pull, standing further back.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Second tier with us, 17 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

The logs hold 6 of their kills on 6 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

72 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

Career highlight: 72 percentile on Rotmire, brought up at every opportunity.

A 43% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

The logs hold 13 of their kills on 12 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Rotmire is where it clicks: 71 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Carries a 1/1 M on the armory, and has opinions about every one of those bosses.

Mythic+ score of 1990, topping out at a +15 The Blinding Vale that is still discussed.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

4 raids on the armory, the pick of them 1/1 Mythic in Sporefall.

The dwarf has fallen, shield first, exactly as he would have wanted. Twenty-eight nights across three tiers, every one of them spent between the raid and something considerably larger. Mourners are asked not to loot him, as he is only briefly dead and will want his hammer back.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Sits at a 62 average parse: quietly good, which is somehow more irritating than loud and good.

Second tier with us, 14 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Career highlight: 62 percentile on Rotmire, brought up at every opportunity.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Take one dark iron monk, aged eight tiers. Add mist, generously and continuously. Do not stir; he will circulate on his own. Season with a hundred and sixty-one nights of knowing exactly when the damage lands. Rest briefly between pulls. The dish improves the longer it has been in the guild, which is the whole trick of it.

Subtlety Rogue. Duties: appearing behind the boss. Appearing behind the raid leader. Appearing in Discord ten seconds after the pull has already gone out to ask whether there is an invite going. Notable achievement: nobody in this guild has ever seen him walk anywhere, arrive at anything on foot, or still be standing where he was a moment ago. References available, though none of them are entirely sure where he went.

HOLY PALADIN SEEKS PLACEMENT. Eight tiers, eighty-nine nights, one beacon, permanently on the wrong person for the first four seconds and the right one thereafter. Comes with a second character called Mickevoker, sold as seen. Will heal your raid. Will not heal the warrior who keeps doing that.

Twice a night he picks up a balance druid who is standing somewhere completely safe and sets them down somewhere with no floor, and it is funny every time, including to the druid, eventually. Then about once a tier he catches somebody already off the edge who had no business surviving, and says nothing about it afterwards. Same button, same face. Nobody has worked out how to get one without the other.

Top of the meter, five tiers, and it has never once been a conversation. She dies most weeks to something she has personally explained to two other people, which she would like recorded as unrelated. Then she is straight back up and needed for the next pull before anyone can get a joke out. In lieu of flowers the family asks that you stop standing in her poison and stop asking how she does it.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Has been turning up since Liberation of Undermine: 5 tiers and 87 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Has, on record, a 91 parse on Imperator Averzian (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

51 logged kills across 10 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

A 29% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Keeps 4 alts on standby (Canofclaws, Canofholes, Canofkimchi, Canofundeath), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

151 parses deep on 18 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Has, on record, a 100 parse on Vaelgor & Ezzorak (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Has been turning up since Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible: 7 tiers and 116 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

A 29% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Has, on record, a 97 parse on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

The logs hold 60 of their kills on 12 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

65 raid nights across 4 tiers, dating back to Manaforge Omega. Nobody has told them they can leave.

A 29% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Also answers to Cruzixl, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

Four tiers in and this guild still calls him the new mage, which he stopped correcting years ago, which is the funniest part of the whole thing. He is an S tier frost mage. He is a D tier arcane one. He has played arcane all season without one complaint, because arcane is the meta and somebody had to fall on it. Say the word frost to him and watch a man remember who he used to be.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Has, on record, a 43 parse on Vorasius (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

The logs hold 48 of their kills on 10 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Turns up for 2 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Second tier with us, 40 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

54 raid nights across 6 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Turns up for 2 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Their high-water mark is a 96 on Vaelgor & Ezzorak (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

The logs hold 53 of their kills on 11 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Keeps 3 alts on standby (Frostonks, Frostybeach, Frostydog), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Mythic+ score of 2734, topping out at a +12 Ruby Life Pools that is still discussed.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 6 tiers and 87 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Turns up for 2 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Carries a 1/1 M on the armory, and has opinions about every one of those bosses.

The armory carries 9/9 Mythic in Tier Mn 1, across 3 raids of history.

35 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Keeps 5 alts on standby (Gingerclaw, Gingerdemon, Gingerrogue, Gingertyrant, Gingér), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Beast mastery hunter who stands in melee. The pet waits at range where the hunter should be, the hunter is in the middle of the pack where the pet should be, and after six tiers this is simply how it is done here. Six tiers ago she pulled a boss early by accident and the raid killed it anyway. She has been chasing that feeling from two yards ever since and she is not stopping.

Twenty people, eight tiers, one voice holding the whole thing together through the worst connection in Europe. A child gets out of bed two rooms away, he walks them back, and picks the sentence up exactly where he dropped it. When the channel talks over him he says 'right, that's it, you're muted', and twenty grown adults go quiet like it's assembly. Then he dies to the mechanic he was explaining, and every one of them follows him in anyway.

Marksmanship hunter, quietly excellent, and nobody can remember formally inviting them at any point in five tiers. They simply appear, at range, on time, already near the top of their bracket. Five tiers in that channel and not one unkind word about a single person. What they do instead is tell Phonchick she is doing a lovely job, roughly once a night, whether or not anybody asked.

She has watched the same warrior stand in the same acid for four tiers, said nothing about it, and quietly undone it every single time. That is the entire job and she is superb at it. The one thing she ever asks for is an innervate, and Findruid has it on her before she has finished typing the word. Put her in balance and she does lovely damage right up until something looks directly at her.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

A 29% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

51 parses deep on 12 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Their high-water mark is a 96 on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 4 tiers and 57 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Also answers to Pippinmage, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

For the record, and he would very much like this on the record: three thousand two hundred and fifty-five Mythic+ rating this season, filed in response to certain remarks about whether he does keys at all. He has kept this raid breathing for five tiers, largely by putting a totem where nobody is standing and moving it before anyone notices. Runs on sarcasm and spite, neither of which has shown any sign of running out.

Scattered appearances across seven tiers, tending towards brief but heavy. Twenty-eight nights recorded. When present, expect sustained storm activity and a shield in the wrong hand. Absence should not be read as a front moving out; she has a habit of arriving precisely when the forecast is worst.

Eight tiers, never missed an invite, never once fed the pet, and there is no version of this raid that works without him in it. Welsh, and treats every England result as a personal event, in the channel, at length, with receipts. Throws a punch the moment you leave one open and does not hold back on the follow-through. A committed baiter and, by unanimous agreement of everyone here, the master of it.

The stone is up before anybody asks, every single week, and he calls it putting the wardrobe up. Then the cookies come out. This is the fifth time tonight the cookies have come out and the fifth time nobody has touched one, and he has told the channel so, and he will do it all again on Sunday. Nobody in this guild has walked to a raid in four tiers because of him.

Tanking from South Africa on five hundred milliseconds of ping, which means he is holding a boss the rest of us finished watching half a second ago, and he still has it. Drags everything within ten yards into one pile and reports that he is fine. He has been right about that every single time. Nobody has ever been able to check fast enough to disagree with him.

Spends the fight watching twenty health bars and one very specific person who stands in things.

A 14% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Career best is still Soulbinder Naazindhri at 81 percentile (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Once put up a 16 on Rotmire. The guild has heard about it. Twice.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 64 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

126 logged kills across 17 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Averages 16 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.