CE Team · Meet the team

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

151 parses deep on 18 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Has, on record, a 100 parse on Vaelgor & Ezzorak (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Averages a 85 percentile across 2 kills and would like everyone to know that.

Has been turning up since Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible: 7 tiers and 116 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Has been at 2 of the tier's raids and looks personally offended by the concept of a night off.

Owns exactly one 85 parse, on Rotmire, and has built a personality around it.

Eight tiers, never missed an invite, never once fed the pet, and there is no version of this raid that works without him in it. Welsh, and treats every England result as a personal event, in the channel, at length, with receipts. Throws a punch the moment you leave one open and does not hold back on the follow-through. A committed baiter and, by unanimous agreement of everyone here, the master of it.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Has, on record, a 97 parse on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

64 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

Owns exactly one 64 parse, on Rotmire, and has built a personality around it.

The logs hold 60 of their kills on 12 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Has been at 2 of the tier's raids and looks personally offended by the concept of a night off.

64 raid nights across 4 tiers, dating back to Manaforge Omega. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Also answers to Cruzixl, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

The stone is up before anybody asks, every single week, and he calls it putting the wardrobe up. Then the cookies come out. This is the fifth time tonight the cookies have come out and the fifth time nobody has touched one, and he has told the channel so, and he will do it all again on Sunday. Nobody in this guild has walked to a raid in four tiers because of him.

Top of the meter, five tiers, and it has never once been a conversation. She dies most weeks to something she has personally explained to two other people, which she would like recorded as unrelated. Then she is straight back up and needed for the next pull before anyone can get a joke out. In lieu of flowers the family asks that you stop standing in her poison and stop asking how she does it.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Has been turning up since Liberation of Undermine: 5 tiers and 85 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Has, on record, a 91 parse on Imperator Averzian (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Rotmire is where it clicks: 52 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

A steady 52 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

51 logged kills across 10 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Has been at 2 of the tier's raids and looks personally offended by the concept of a night off.

Keeps 4 alts on standby (Canofclaws, Canofholes, Canofkimchi, Canofundeath), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

She has watched the same warrior stand in the same acid for four tiers, said nothing about it, and quietly undone it every single time. That is the entire job and she is superb at it. The one thing she ever asks for is an innervate, and Findruid has it on her before she has finished typing the word. Put her in balance and she does lovely damage right up until something looks directly at her.

Twenty people, eight tiers, one voice holding the whole thing together through the worst connection in Europe. A child gets out of bed two rooms away, he walks them back, and picks the sentence up exactly where he dropped it. When the channel talks over him he says 'right, that's it, you're muted', and twenty grown adults go quiet like it's assembly. Then he dies to the mechanic he was explaining, and every one of them follows him in anyway.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

54 raid nights across 6 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

2 raids out of 2. We have stopped asking whether they have other hobbies.

Career highlight: 47 percentile on Rotmire, brought up at every opportunity.

Their high-water mark is a 96 on Vaelgor & Ezzorak (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Averages 47, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

The logs hold 53 of their kills on 11 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Keeps 3 alts on standby (Frostonks, Frostybeach, Frostydog), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Twice a night he picks up a balance druid who is standing somewhere completely safe and sets them down somewhere with no floor, and it is funny every time, including to the druid, eventually. Then about once a tier he catches somebody already off the edge who had no business surviving, and says nothing about it afterwards. Same button, same face. Nobody has worked out how to get one without the other.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Averages 45, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

51 parses deep on 12 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Has been at 2 of the tier's raids and looks personally offended by the concept of a night off.

Owns exactly one 45 parse, on Rotmire, and has built a personality around it.

Their high-water mark is a 96 on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 4 tiers and 56 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Also answers to Pippinmage, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

For the record, and he would very much like this on the record: three thousand two hundred and fifty-five Mythic+ rating this season, filed in response to certain remarks about whether he does keys at all. He has kept this raid breathing for five tiers, largely by putting a totem where nobody is standing and moving it before anyone notices. Runs on sarcasm and spite, neither of which has shown any sign of running out.

Marksmanship hunter, quietly excellent, and nobody can remember formally inviting them at any point in five tiers. They simply appear, at range, on time, already near the top of their bracket. Five tiers in that channel and not one unkind word about a single person. What they do instead is tell Phonchick she is doing a lovely job, roughly once a night, whether or not anybody asked.

Tanking from South Africa on five hundred milliseconds of ping, which means he is holding a boss the rest of us finished watching half a second ago, and he still has it. Drags everything within ten yards into one pile and reports that he is fine. He has been right about that every single time. Nobody has ever been able to check fast enough to disagree with him.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

2 raids out of 2. We have stopped asking whether they have other hobbies.

Mythic+ score of 2734, topping out at a +12 Ruby Life Pools that is still discussed.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 6 tiers and 87 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Career highlight: 35 percentile on Rotmire, brought up at every opportunity.

Averages 35, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Carries a 1/1 M on the armory, and has opinions about every one of those bosses.

Keeps 5 alts on standby (Gingerclaw, Gingerdemon, Gingerrogue, Gingertyrant, Gingér), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Four tiers in and this guild still calls him the new mage, which he stopped correcting years ago, which is the funniest part of the whole thing. He is an S tier frost mage. He is a D tier arcane one. He has played arcane all season without one complaint, because arcane is the meta and somebody had to fall on it. Say the word frost to him and watch a man remember who he used to be.

Job description: be hit by the largest thing in the room, on purpose, repeatedly, without comment.

A 28 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

2 raids out of 2. We have stopped asking whether they have other hobbies.

Has, on record, a 43 parse on Vorasius (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

The logs hold 48 of their kills on 10 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Owns exactly one 28 parse, on Rotmire, and has built a personality around it.

Second tier with us, 40 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Beast mastery hunter who stands in melee. The pet waits at range where the hunter should be, the hunter is in the middle of the pack where the pet should be, and after six tiers this is simply how it is done here. Six tiers ago she pulled a boss early by accident and the raid killed it anyway. She has been chasing that feeling from two yards ever since and she is not stopping.

Put him on the monk and he is exactly what you want in a raid: inside the green spinning circle, fists genuinely furious, doing the assignment and the damage at the same time and mentioning neither. Then once a tier he brings the demon hunter out to see how it feels. It feels bad. Everybody agrees it feels bad. Somebody always walks over and quietly asks him to go and fetch the monk back.

The healers went down one after another and Ázteco held the entire raid up on her own for ninety seconds, shields going out faster than the boss could take them off. Then she typed 'was that ok' and logged onto the alt before anybody could answer her. There is one word beside her name in the officer notes and in four tiers nobody has needed a second one. It is 'solid'.

S tier, and the best player in this guild by a distance that is frankly rude, four tiers running. When a pull has completely fallen apart and one person is still upright with the boss at four percent, everybody knows who it is before they look. Phonchick does not get to the end of the word innervate before it lands on her. Ask Findruid about any of this and she will start talking about your cooldowns, which she has also noticed.

Keeps the raid alive in spite of its life choices, then gets told the healing was low.

Averages 41, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Once put up a 41 on Rotmire. The guild has heard about it. Twice.

Present for 1 raids, absent for exactly the ones with the loot they wanted.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Main tank last season, then vanished into a game with worse graphics and better fishing, and everybody quietly assumed that was the end of it. He is back at the front of the raid, tanking on pure instinct, having never in his life watched a recording of anything he has done. He is also Popmama, Popka and Poppka, all of whom kept his spot warm for him.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Averages 28 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Owns exactly one 28 parse, on Rotmire, and has built a personality around it.

28 logged kills across 12 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Attends 50% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

16 raid nights across 3 tiers, dating back to VS / DR / MQD. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Quietly undoes everyone else's mistakes and has never once been thanked in a timely fashion.

Career best is still Chimaerus, the Undreamt God at 65 percentile (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Career highlight: 27 percentile on Rotmire, brought up at every opportunity.

105 raid nights across 5 tiers, dating back to Nerub-ar Palace. Nobody has told them they can leave.

41 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Attends 50% of the time: regular enough to be a fixture, rare enough to keep an air of mystery.

Averages 27 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Nicest man in this Discord and there is no second place. Windwalker monk, polearm considerably taller than he is, straight through the middle of everything. On Dimensius he sat the entire fight out on the bench and spent it finding something genuinely kind to say to every single person who did get the invite. He has not mentioned it once since. Everybody else has.