CE Team · Meet the team

The stone is up before anybody asks, every single week, and he calls it putting the wardrobe up. Then the cookies come out. This is the fifth time tonight the cookies have come out and the fifth time nobody has touched one, and he has told the channel so, and he will do it all again on Sunday. Nobody in this guild has walked to a raid in four tiers because of him.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Has been at 43 of the tier's raids and looks personally offended by the concept of a night off.

151 parses deep on 18 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Has an ongoing disagreement with Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, who is winning.

Has, on record, a 100 parse on Vaelgor & Ezzorak (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Owns exactly one 89 parse, on Crown of the Cosmos, and has built a personality around it.

Has been turning up since Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible: 7 tiers and 116 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

For the record, and he would very much like this on the record: three thousand two hundred and fifty-five Mythic+ rating this season, filed in response to certain remarks about whether he does keys at all. He has kept this raid breathing for five tiers, largely by putting a totem where nobody is standing and moving it before anyone notices. Runs on sarcasm and spite, neither of which has shown any sign of running out.

Twice a night he picks up a balance druid who is standing somewhere completely safe and sets them down somewhere with no floor, and it is funny every time, including to the druid, eventually. Then about once a tier he catches somebody already off the edge who had no business surviving, and says nothing about it afterwards. Same button, same face. Nobody has worked out how to get one without the other.

Eight tiers, never missed an invite, never once fed the pet, and there is no version of this raid that works without him in it. Welsh, and treats every England result as a personal event, in the channel, at length, with receipts. Throws a punch the moment you leave one open and does not hold back on the follow-through. A committed baiter and, by unanimous agreement of everyone here, the master of it.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Owns exactly one 54 parse, on Lightblinded Vanguard, and has built a personality around it.

Averages 42, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

51 parses deep on 12 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Their high-water mark is a 96 on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 4 tiers and 56 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Has been at 43 of the tier's raids and looks personally offended by the concept of a night off.

Also answers to Pippinmage, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

Beast mastery hunter who stands in melee. The pet waits at range where the hunter should be, the hunter is in the middle of the pack where the pet should be, and after six tiers this is simply how it is done here. Six tiers ago she pulled a boss early by accident and the raid killed it anyway. She has been chasing that feeling from two yards ever since and she is not stopping.

She has watched the same warrior stand in the same acid for four tiers, said nothing about it, and quietly undone it every single time. That is the entire job and she is superb at it. The one thing she ever asks for is an innervate, and Findruid has it on her before she has finished typing the word. Put her in balance and she does lovely damage right up until something looks directly at her.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Has been turning up since Liberation of Undermine: 5 tiers and 85 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Has, on record, a 91 parse on Imperator Averzian (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

51 logged kills across 10 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Politely requests we skip Vaelgor & Ezzorak, where the logs read 34 and the memories read worse.

Imperator Averzian is where it clicks: 67 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

A steady 57 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Keeps 4 alts on standby (Canofclaws, Canofholes, Canofkimchi, Canofundeath), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

54 raid nights across 6 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

42 raids out of 42. We have stopped asking whether they have other hobbies.

Averages 40, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Their high-water mark is a 96 on Vaelgor & Ezzorak (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Career highlight: 86 percentile on Vaelgor & Ezzorak, brought up at every opportunity.

Midnight Falls remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

Keeps 3 alts on standby (Frostonks, Frostybeach, Frostydog), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Four tiers in and this guild still calls him the new mage, which he stopped correcting years ago, which is the funniest part of the whole thing. He is an S tier frost mage. He is a D tier arcane one. He has played arcane all season without one complaint, because arcane is the meta and somebody had to fall on it. Say the word frost to him and watch a man remember who he used to be.

The healers went down one after another and Ázteco held the entire raid up on her own for ninety seconds, shields going out faster than the boss could take them off. Then she typed 'was that ok' and logged onto the alt before anybody could answer her. There is one word beside her name in the officer notes and in four tiers nobody has needed a second one. It is 'solid'.

Twenty people, eight tiers, one voice holding the whole thing together through the worst connection in Europe. A child gets out of bed two rooms away, he walks them back, and picks the sentence up exactly where he dropped it. When the channel talks over him he says 'right, that's it, you're muted', and twenty grown adults go quiet like it's assembly. Then he dies to the mechanic he was explaining, and every one of them follows him in anyway.

Marksmanship hunter, quietly excellent, and nobody can remember formally inviting them at any point in five tiers. They simply appear, at range, on time, already near the top of their bracket. Five tiers in that channel and not one unkind word about a single person. What they do instead is tell Phonchick she is doing a lovely job, roughly once a night, whether or not anybody asked.

S tier, and the best player in this guild by a distance that is frankly rude, four tiers running. When a pull has completely fallen apart and one person is still upright with the boss at four percent, everybody knows who it is before they look. Phonchick does not get to the end of the word innervate before it lands on her. Ask Findruid about any of this and she will start talking about your cooldowns, which she has also noticed.

Main tank last season, then vanished into a game with worse graphics and better fishing, and everybody quietly assumed that was the end of it. He is back at the front of the raid, tanking on pure instinct, having never in his life watched a recording of anything he has done. He is also Popmama, Popka and Poppka, all of whom kept his spot warm for him.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Has, on record, a 97 parse on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

60 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

Shows up to 86% of raids, which is more reliable than most raid timers.

The logs hold 60 of their kills on 12 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

64 raid nights across 4 tiers, dating back to Manaforge Omega. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Also answers to Cruzixl, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

Job description: be hit by the largest thing in the room, on purpose, repeatedly, without comment.

38 raids in and still answering the invite before the whisper finishes sending.

Has, on record, a 43 parse on Vorasius (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

A 25 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Whatever Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar does, it does it to them first: 7 percentile and a lot of excuses.

The logs hold 48 of their kills on 10 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Owns exactly one 32 parse, on Fallen-King Salhadaar, and has built a personality around it.

Put him on the monk and he is exactly what you want in a raid: inside the green spinning circle, fists genuinely furious, doing the assignment and the damage at the same time and mentioning neither. Then once a tier he brings the demon hunter out to see how it feels. It feels bad. Everybody agrees it feels bad. Somebody always walks over and quietly asks him to go and fetch the monk back.

Top of the meter, five tiers, and it has never once been a conversation. She dies most weeks to something she has personally explained to two other people, which she would like recorded as unrelated. Then she is straight back up and needed for the next pull before anyone can get a joke out. In lieu of flowers the family asks that you stop standing in her poison and stop asking how she does it.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Career highlight: 21 percentile on Fallen-King Salhadaar, brought up at every opportunity.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 25 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Turns up for 21 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

A 13 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

51 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

All-time peak: 95 on Dimensius, the All-Devouring back in Manaforge Omega, Mythic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

Has, on record, a 73 parse on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Averages 35 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

A 41% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

36 logged kills across 9 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 33 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Once put up a 65 on Vorasius. The guild has heard about it. Twice.

Also answers to Taugrik, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Every guild has one boss they cannot parse on. Theirs is Lightblinded Vanguard, at a stately 41.

Has, on record, a 96 parse on Imperator Averzian (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

34 nights over two tiers since Nerub-ar Palace: officially past the trial and into the resentment.

Their best night is Vaelgor & Ezzorak at 84, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

Sits at a 62 average parse: quietly good, which is somehow more irritating than loud and good.

The logs hold 30 of their kills on 9 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Keeps 2 alts on standby (Snowsx, Snowsxd), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Mythic+ score of 2734, topping out at a +12 Ruby Life Pools that is still discussed.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 6 tiers and 87 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Averages 40, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Carries a 9/9 M on the armory, and has opinions about every one of those bosses.

Career highlight: 82 percentile on Vorasius, brought up at every opportunity.

Turns up for 16 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Keeps 5 alts on standby (Gingerclaw, Gingerdemon, Gingerrogue, Gingertyrant, Gingér), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Owns exactly one 14 parse, on Vorasius, and has built a personality around it.

28 logged kills across 12 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Career best is still Rotmire at 28 percentile (Sporefall, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Averages 12 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

A 32% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

16 raid nights across 3 tiers, dating back to VS / DR / MQD. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Quietly undoes everyone else's mistakes and has never once been thanked in a timely fashion.

Career highlight: 65 percentile on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, brought up at every opportunity.

105 raid nights across 5 tiers, dating back to Nerub-ar Palace. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Whatever Fallen-King Salhadaar does, it does it to them first: 11 percentile and a lot of excuses.

41 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A 30% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

A steady 38 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

A 23% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Averages 53, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Their best night is Fallen-King Salhadaar at 83, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 10 raid nights in.

29 logged kills across 8 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

The logs hold 68 of their kills on 16 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Has, on record, a 95 parse on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Imperator Averzian is where it clicks: 5 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Second tier with us, 27 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Averages 5 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

A 23% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

26 parses deep on 8 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 8 raid nights in.

Politely requests we skip Imperator Averzian, where the logs read 14 and the memories read worse.

A 14 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Vorasius is where it clicks: 14 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

A 18% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Spends the fight watching twenty health bars and one very specific person who stands in things.

Has an ongoing disagreement with Crown of the Cosmos, who is winning.

Their high-water mark is a 56 on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Second tier with us, 8 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

18 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A 23 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Career highlight: 53 percentile on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God, brought up at every opportunity.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

All-time peak: 76 on Imperator Averzian back in VS / DR / MQD, Heroic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

The logs hold 19 of their kills on 7 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 6 raid nights in.

Turns up for 6 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Tanking from South Africa on five hundred milliseconds of ping, which means he is holding a boss the rest of us finished watching half a second ago, and he still has it. Drags everything within ten yards into one pile and reports that he is fine. He has been right about that every single time. Nobody has ever been able to check fast enough to disagree with him.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

A 9 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

12 parses deep on 8 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 5 raid nights in.

Imperator Averzian remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

Their best night is Vorasius at 15, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

Turns up for 5 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 5 raid nights in.

Peaked at 35 on Imperator Averzian, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

12 parses deep on 7 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A steady 35 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

First month with us. Assigned to the left side on his second pull, went right, and the boss died anyway. Nobody asked him to explain it and he did not volunteer. The officers have quietly decided to keep putting him on the left on the grounds that it appears to work, which is more trust than any new starter here has been handed. Nobody is certain who invited him either.

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

6 parses deep on 4 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A 7% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Peaked at 24 on Imperator Averzian, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

Averages 14 and measures success in survival rather than percentiles. Frankly, fair.

Whatever Vorasius does, it does it to them first: 4 percentile and a lot of excuses.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

6 logged kills across 6 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

A 4% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

A steady 55 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Owns exactly one 87 parse, on Vorasius, and has built a personality around it.