CE Team · Meet the team

The stone is up before anybody asks, every single week, and he calls it putting the wardrobe up. Then the cookies come out. This is the fifth time tonight the cookies have come out and the fifth time nobody has touched one, and he has told the channel so, and he will do it all again on Sunday. Nobody in this guild has walked to a raid in four tiers because of him.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Has been at 43 of the tier's raids and looks personally offended by the concept of a night off.

Owns exactly one 100 parse, on Vaelgor & Ezzorak, and has built a personality around it.

151 parses deep on 18 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Averages a 93 percentile across 16 kills and would like everyone to know that.

Has an ongoing disagreement with Imperator Averzian, who is winning.

Has been turning up since Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible: 7 tiers and 116 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Twice a night he picks up a balance druid who is standing somewhere completely safe and sets them down somewhere with no floor, and it is funny every time, including to the druid, eventually. Then about once a tier he catches somebody already off the edge who had no business surviving, and says nothing about it afterwards. Same button, same face. Nobody has worked out how to get one without the other.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Owns exactly one 94 parse, on Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar, and has built a personality around it.

69 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

51 parses deep on 12 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Their high-water mark is a 96 on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 4 tiers and 56 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Has been at 43 of the tier's raids and looks personally offended by the concept of a night off.

Also answers to Pippinmage, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

For the record, and he would very much like this on the record: three thousand two hundred and fifty-five Mythic+ rating this season, filed in response to certain remarks about whether he does keys at all. He has kept this raid breathing for five tiers, largely by putting a totem where nobody is standing and moving it before anyone notices. Runs on sarcasm and spite, neither of which has shown any sign of running out.

Beast mastery hunter who stands in melee. The pet waits at range where the hunter should be, the hunter is in the middle of the pack where the pet should be, and after six tiers this is simply how it is done here. Six tiers ago she pulled a boss early by accident and the raid killed it anyway. She has been chasing that feeling from two yards ever since and she is not stopping.

Eight tiers, never missed an invite, never once fed the pet, and there is no version of this raid that works without him in it. Welsh, and treats every England result as a personal event, in the channel, at length, with receipts. Throws a punch the moment you leave one open and does not hold back on the follow-through. A committed baiter and, by unanimous agreement of everyone here, the master of it.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

A 86 average parse. Mentions it roughly once per pull, entirely unprompted.

54 raid nights across 6 tiers, dating back to Aberrus, the Shadowed Crucible. Nobody has told them they can leave.

42 raids out of 42. We have stopped asking whether they have other hobbies.

Chimaerus, the Undreamt God remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

The logs hold 53 of their kills on 11 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Career highlight: 100 percentile on Midnight Falls, brought up at every opportunity.

Keeps 3 alts on standby (Frostonks, Frostybeach, Frostydog), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Four tiers in and this guild still calls him the new mage, which he stopped correcting years ago, which is the funniest part of the whole thing. He is an S tier frost mage. He is a D tier arcane one. He has played arcane all season without one complaint, because arcane is the meta and somebody had to fall on it. Say the word frost to him and watch a man remember who he used to be.

She has watched the same warrior stand in the same acid for four tiers, said nothing about it, and quietly undone it every single time. That is the entire job and she is superb at it. The one thing she ever asks for is an innervate, and Findruid has it on her before she has finished typing the word. Put her in balance and she does lovely damage right up until something looks directly at her.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

Has been turning up since Liberation of Undermine: 5 tiers and 85 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

51 logged kills across 10 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Politely requests we skip Lightblinded Vanguard, where the logs read 23 and the memories read worse.

Midnight Falls is where it clicks: 100 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

A steady 57 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Has been at 42 of the tier's raids and looks personally offended by the concept of a night off.

Keeps 4 alts on standby (Canofclaws, Canofholes, Canofkimchi, Canofundeath), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Twenty people, eight tiers, one voice holding the whole thing together through the worst connection in Europe. A child gets out of bed two rooms away, he walks them back, and picks the sentence up exactly where he dropped it. When the channel talks over him he says 'right, that's it, you're muted', and twenty grown adults go quiet like it's assembly. Then he dies to the mechanic he was explaining, and every one of them follows him in anyway.

The healers went down one after another and Ázteco held the entire raid up on her own for ninety seconds, shields going out faster than the boss could take them off. Then she typed 'was that ok' and logged onto the alt before anybody could answer her. There is one word beside her name in the officer notes and in four tiers nobody has needed a second one. It is 'solid'.

Marksmanship hunter, quietly excellent, and nobody can remember formally inviting them at any point in five tiers. They simply appear, at range, on time, already near the top of their bracket. Five tiers in that channel and not one unkind word about a single person. What they do instead is tell Phonchick she is doing a lovely job, roughly once a night, whether or not anybody asked.

S tier, and the best player in this guild by a distance that is frankly rude, four tiers running. When a pull has completely fallen apart and one person is still upright with the boss at four percent, everybody knows who it is before they look. Phonchick does not get to the end of the word innervate before it lands on her. Ask Findruid about any of this and she will start talking about your cooldowns, which she has also noticed.

Main tank last season, then vanished into a game with worse graphics and better fishing, and everybody quietly assumed that was the end of it. He is back at the front of the raid, tanking on pure instinct, having never in his life watched a recording of anything he has done. He is also Popmama, Popka and Poppka, all of whom kept his spot warm for him.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Owns exactly one 100 parse, on Midnight Falls, and has built a personality around it.

75 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

Shows up to 86% of raids, which is more reliable than most raid timers.

The logs hold 60 of their kills on 12 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

64 raid nights across 4 tiers, dating back to Manaforge Omega. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Lightblinded Vanguard remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

Also answers to Cruzixl, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

Job description: be hit by the largest thing in the room, on purpose, repeatedly, without comment.

38 raids in and still answering the invite before the whisper finishes sending.

Whatever Vaelgor & Ezzorak does, it does it to them first: 18 percentile and a lot of excuses.

The logs hold 48 of their kills on 10 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Owns exactly one 74 parse, on Fallen-King Salhadaar, and has built a personality around it.

Second tier with us, 40 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Averages 48, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Put him on the monk and he is exactly what you want in a raid: inside the green spinning circle, fists genuinely furious, doing the assignment and the damage at the same time and mentioning neither. Then once a tier he brings the demon hunter out to see how it feels. It feels bad. Everybody agrees it feels bad. Somebody always walks over and quietly asks him to go and fetch the monk back.

Top of the meter, five tiers, and it has never once been a conversation. She dies most weeks to something she has personally explained to two other people, which she would like recorded as unrelated. Then she is straight back up and needed for the next pull before anyone can get a joke out. In lieu of flowers the family asks that you stop standing in her poison and stop asking how she does it.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 25 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

A 20 average parse and a flawless record of being alive to complain about it.

Turns up for 21 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

51 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Career highlight: 76 percentile on Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar, brought up at every opportunity.

All-time peak: 95 on Dimensius, the All-Devouring back in Manaforge Omega, Mythic. They have not stopped chasing it since.

Turns up, hits the boss, dies to something avoidable, links the meter anyway.

A steady 58 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

A 41% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

36 logged kills across 9 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Has been turning up since Manaforge Omega: 3 tiers and 33 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Once put up a 100 on Midnight Falls. The guild has heard about it. Twice.

Also answers to Taugrik, usually when the raid needs the other armour type.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Every guild has one boss they cannot parse on. Theirs is Midnight Falls, at a stately 11.

Has, on record, a 96 parse on Imperator Averzian (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Their best night is Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar at 68, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

34 nights over two tiers since Nerub-ar Palace: officially past the trial and into the resentment.

A steady 40 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

The logs hold 30 of their kills on 9 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Keeps 2 alts on standby (Snowsx, Snowsxd), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

Mythic+ score of 2734, topping out at a +12 Ruby Life Pools that is still discussed.

Has been turning up since Nerub-ar Palace: 6 tiers and 87 raid nights of accumulated grievance.

Carries a 9/9 M on the armory, and has opinions about every one of those bosses.

Turns up for 16 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

The armory carries 9/9 Mythic in Tier Mn 1, across 3 raids of history.

35 parses deep on 17 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Keeps 5 alts on standby (Gingerclaw, Gingerdemon, Gingerrogue, Gingertyrant, Gingér), one of which is definitely better geared than the main.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

28 logged kills across 12 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Owns exactly one 100 parse, on Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar, and has built a personality around it.

A 32% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Sits at a 63 average parse: quietly good, which is somehow more irritating than loud and good.

16 raid nights across 3 tiers, dating back to VS / DR / MQD. Nobody has told them they can leave.

Quietly undoes everyone else's mistakes and has never once been thanked in a timely fashion.

Whatever Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar does, it does it to them first: 21 percentile and a lot of excuses.

105 raid nights across 5 tiers, dating back to Nerub-ar Palace. Nobody has told them they can leave.

41 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Career highlight: 70 percentile on Imperator Averzian, brought up at every opportunity.

A 30% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

A steady 53 percentile. Not the biggest number on the meter, still standing at the end of it.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

A 23% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Their best night is Fallen-King Salhadaar at 100, and they can tell you exactly what they pressed.

A 92 average parse. Mentions it roughly once per pull, entirely unprompted.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 10 raid nights in.

29 logged kills across 8 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

Would do more damage if they didn't keep having to move, as they will explain at length.

The logs hold 68 of their kills on 16 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

Has, on record, a 95 parse on Dimensius, the All-Devouring (Manaforge Omega, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Second tier with us, 27 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar is where it clicks: 82 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Sits at a 63 average parse: quietly good, which is somehow more irritating than loud and good.

A 23% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

26 parses deep on 8 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 8 raid nights in.

71 percentile on average, achieved with the calm of someone who has read the log first.

Imperator Averzian is where it clicks: 100 percentile, achieved once, referenced forever.

Politely requests we skip Midnight Falls, where the logs read 21 and the memories read worse.

A 18% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

Their high-water mark is a 56 on Chimaerus, the Undreamt God (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic), and it comes up whenever the meter does.

Second tier with us, 8 nights in, and has learned exactly which mechanics we ignore.

18 parses deep on 14 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Turns up for 7 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Fully committed to the damage meter, and only loosely committed to the mechanics around it.

The logs hold 19 of their kills on 7 bosses. There is nowhere to hide.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 6 raid nights in.

Owns exactly one 100 parse, on Imperator Averzian, and has built a personality around it.

Turns up for 6 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Sits at a 73 average parse: quietly good, which is somehow more irritating than loud and good.

Exists to make a number go up, and to make sure everybody hears about the number.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

12 parses deep on 8 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 5 raid nights in.

Turns up for 5 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Career best is still Vorasius at 23 percentile (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). Every tier since has been a rebuilding year.

Tanking from South Africa on five hundred milliseconds of ping, which means he is holding a boss the rest of us finished watching half a second ago, and he still has it. Drags everything within ten yards into one pile and reports that he is fine. He has been right about that every single time. Nobody has ever been able to check fast enough to disagree with him.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

New enough to still be enthusiastic, 5 raid nights in.

12 parses deep on 7 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

Belo'ren, Child of Al'ar remains the nemesis, and the logs are not kind about it.

Averages a 100 percentile across 2 kills and would like everyone to know that.

Peaked at 100 on Midnight Falls, a screenshot that still exists somewhere.

Turns up for 3 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.

Presses buttons, produces numbers, blames the healers. The circle of raiding.

6 parses deep on 4 bosses, which is either dedication or a lack of alternatives.

A 7% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Has, on record, a 24 parse on Imperator Averzian (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

First month with us. Assigned to the left side on his second pull, went right, and the boss died anyway. Nobody asked him to explain it and he did not volunteer. The officers have quietly decided to keep putting him on the left on the grounds that it appears to work, which is more trust than any new starter here has been handed. Nobody is certain who invited him either.

Contributes damage, opinions about damage, and a running commentary on everyone else's damage.

6 logged kills across 6 different bosses, every one of them a matter of public record.

A 4% attendance rare spawn. Sightings are usually on progression night, never on farm.

Freshly arrived, and has not yet learned what we are like on a Wednesday.

Has no parses on record, which they insist is a deliberate lifestyle choice.

Has, on record, a 87 parse on Vorasius (VS / DR / MQD, Mythic). The rest is just consistency.

Believes deeply that most deaths are preventable, and can name exactly whose fault each one was.

Owns exactly one 75 parse, on Crown of the Cosmos, and has built a personality around it.

2 nights over two tiers since VS / DR / MQD: officially past the trial and into the resentment.

Averages 53, and has never once let a good parse get in the way of doing a mechanic.

Politely requests we skip Lightblinded Vanguard, where the logs read 14 and the memories read worse.

Turns up for 1 raids a tier, all of them somehow the important ones.